WEEK 6
Today is the beginning of my 3rd strict week of the Gerson Therapy. It's a good day. I look great, I am feeling great compared to how badly I got and I just feel cleaner and like my brain is working so much better. Loving it!!
This week my goals are: to stick to the food and juicing plans, not overplan or do too many activities, and stay on the schedule. I cut out the castor oil therapy, but will consider doing it once a week or every other week. I'm over half way through the book and from what I can see it really isn't so necessary for me as I'm doing a modified therapy for my conditions. I also want to pay closer attention to the produce I'm buying to ensure it's organic, even though it costs more.
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This is still Day 1 of Week 3/6...just wanted to leave an update.
I had a crummy day and felt so irritable. I couldn't help myself and was just so crabby. I managed to mostly stay on schedule, but I felt almost like I got no help. Since no one could do anything right, I figured it must be the detox. I had read that it can really mess you up once in a while, so I chose to mostly stay in bed and try to rest. You would think without anyone around I wouldn't have anything to irritate me. Frankly, I felt bothered that I even woke up...crazy, right?
This is out of control and I really hope that tomorrow I am back to my normal self. Not the self that "puts up with" stuff, but the self that doesn't sweat the small stuff and enjoys the little things in life. I like her much better!
I did step up the green juice and I am feeling more energetic overall these past two days, so I have decided to up my green drinks from 8 oz to 12-16 oz each time and switch out some of the carrot/apple juice for the green. I think it will continue to improve my cognitive skills and give me more energy.
Hope you all had a good day. I know logically this day was a success but it just feels like it sucked. Tomorrow will be better. I suppose it could have been much, much worse. I could have shit on the bed again or not woken up this morning at all...both of which I am not completely prepared to deal with anytime soon.
Good night and here's to the rest of the week looking up.
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Back again, sorry. I almost forgot to tell you that I finally remembered to get the battery for the scale. This afternoon (yep, after I had been consuming water, juice and food) I weighed myself fully clothed and even had slippers on and was down to 255...so, I think this week I may get down to 250. I really hope I never see the 260's again. And, still no pain meds =D
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It's Day 3 of Week 3...so far, not too shabby. I didn't really stick with it 100% yesterday. While mom and I were out and about I got hungry and ended up eating a BRC from El Pollo Loco...not the worst choice I could have made. And last night I added some shredded organic chicken to some veggies and rice. Otherwise, I've been mostly on schedule with everything, so I'm pretty stoked about that.
I have been having a really hard time with sinus headaches and this morning I woke up with a gnarly pinch of a migraine just above and behind my left eye...that was less than pleasant to say the least. Also, some other things are happening in the area of my sinuses and I'm sure it has to do with my cysts and the detox attacking it and whatnot. My nose has been bleeding a little here and there, it's irritated, it felt like I had a problem around the top right wisdom tooth area and roof of my mouth (which has mostly gone away now but I was worried I had an infection in my jaw) and I've had the usual swelling and congestion like I used to have all the time. I think it wasn't so bad since I've not only gone through all of that before over the past few years since I got sick, but because I read about what to expect and have some some research online about various detox reactions.
Anyway, I have gotten two really good nights of sleep and am trying to get ready for today. I feel like staying in bed and hooking up the humidifier (Danielle washed it for me but I have yet to set it up). I didn't realize that my dad was so concerned about me and what I was doing with this therapy. He came over yesterday and we got to spend some time together and talk about what's been going on. He's having a hard time wrapping his brain around the coffee enemas, but for the most part I think the rest make some kind of sense to him. I'm going to loan him my book as soon as I'm done reading it.
Today I hope to feel good, enjoy the day, get a few things done and hopefully also go out and spend time with a new interest. He's very nice and I'm enjoying getting to know him. It's still new though, so I didn't really get into details about this...fortunately, I think he's too busy to read this and find the details of the therapy for himself. LOL That would be an awkward conversation..."Um, I spend several hours a day taking coffee up my backside and I feel better." AHHHH hahahaha.
Hope you are in good spirits, clear minded and enjoying the day. I bought a new hat yesterday, so I may wear it if I manage to make it out to the Farmer's Market this morning. Take care!
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Man, today was another tough day. I totally survived but instead of being chipper and happy, I really just wanted to be left alone. Mom's feelings are hurt. She is feeling needy and is upset that I non longer am able to tolerate her many hours of endless talking about nothing important at all. ON the upside, at least I don't have to pretend anymore because my tolerance the last few days have been very low for putting up with nonsense. I can't wait until this passes. I don't think the people around me can handle much more of this...I can't either. Also, didn't help much that I was prepared to suck it up and go out today only to find out via text that we weren't going anywhere. I know it was for the best but I was disappointed. Oh well, stayed on schedule for the most part. Good night and I hope everyone has a great week!
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Tuesday, February 19, 2013...Week 3, Day 6
I starting to feel better. The rest and sticking with the schedule has really done some good...for me at least. I definitely have a sinus infection in full swing at the moment. I'm getting headaches, sinus pressure, the whole nine yards. I called to make an appointment with the doctor and was given a bit of a hard time...they even asked if I had insurance yet. Why would I even need to provide them with insurance as it's a worker's comp claim? Morons. If they don't call me back by tomorrow morning with an appointment to see my doctor, I will email her directly as she advised me to do if they give me a hard time again. Honestly, why do some people think they have power when their jobs entail making appointments and filing paperwork? I am not stressed about this, just slightly annoyed.
Yesterday was a tough day. Not because I felt crappy but because I was sadly reminded about where I am in my state of health. The guy I was trying to get to know only wants to be friends as I really can't keep up with him and his interests. Well, that's fair and I'm not bothered by that at all. But it was an unwelcomed reminder that I'm not as well as I think I am or as well as I want to be. I'm far from my goals and need to make sure that my priorities are in check. My goals to focus on now are my health and my education, health being my primary focus and my education to occupy my time for a few months.
My mom is upset. She's having a really hard time lately, especially because I really haven't been up to hanging out much with her. She has been so kind to help me when and where she can, even offering up the bed and sleeping on the couch. My mom is very social and when she gets home she really wants to visit...by the time she gets home I'm so worn out and just glad that I made it another day. I've been hanging out in the bedroom most of the day, even when I don't have to. It's just much calmer and more comfortable in here. I kind of like the peace and quiet. Plus, I thought she would like that I'm reigning the crap piles in and keeping it to a central location. I was wrong. She wants me to lay on the couch all day so she can see me every single time she walks in; maybe she likes turning the lights on and opening all the blinds to brighten it up (when she's gone I close everything because its more comfortable for me), I've been trying to keep the living room cleaner and less messy by keeping my stuff in the room too. I think she's just lonely and needs what I can no longer give her. Maybe she does need to date...maybe she just needs to go find some girlfriends and go enjoy life without worrying about me so much.
I lover her, but at this point in my life I really must insist on things that make me happy and will help me reach my goals of survival.
Overall, having a fine day. I woke up late. I am way behind on schedule. I made my own breakfast. I made some juice. I took my own supplements and had a snack. It's almost 2 now, so I think I need to work on some lunch, a juice and more supplements...only like an hour behind. No big deal. As long as it gets done, right?
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Well, today is almost over. I made it. Whew! I reimplemented the castor oil treatment...ewwwww! It tastes worse than I remember and I almost barfed into the sink this morning. After getting passes that I was rather surprised. Instead of it taking about 2 hours to start "working" it started working in the afternoon. I was surprised that after all this time it was still pulling so much out of the digestive tract. Good thing I started doing it again. Not sure I can stand doing it every other day, but I will do the castor oil treatments at least twice a week. Tomorrow is the last day of week 3 and I couldn't be more excited. By the way, I lost more weight. I am down to 253 as of yesterday morning, am preparing for my cycle (which I usually gain and get a little bloated)(note to self: no niacin during my cycle) and I am down to not only wearing a size 20w jeans, but today I wore an old pair of 20w jeans that I know for sure I have dried and shrunk....wahoooooo!!!
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This is the end of Week 3. It's been a tough week but I pulled through. Just when I was snapping back mentally my mom, who is my only regular support, had a mental breakdown. She usually relies on me and is having a really hard time with this adjustment of me leaning on her so much, no really being there as her companion, and is majorly stressed out about money. Its so weird because just yesterday she took me to the store and was excited to offer to pay for all of our groceries, which was a lot since we needed almost everything and more water. I said she didn't need to and that I could pay for my half, but she insisted. It isn't usually like her to offer to pay so much for my way and it seemed like it made her happy that she could help me out a little so I let her. Upon awakening this morning...which was already difficult since I had to get up early for an appt at the hospital for MSI (some county insurance that I probably don't even qualify for anyway), get all of my paperwork in order and do my morning routine really quickly...she had a meltdown. Screaming, throwing things, crying. She said I took over her entire house (which our side of the apartment consists of a bedroom, living room, kitchen and a dining room off of the kitchen). She said I made a mess of everything and that I have completely taken over. Of course I have been realizing this. This is exactly why I hired someone to help me with the cooking and cleaning, so they could help me reorganize and get all of this under control...thus, I could avoid these crazy temper tantrums my mother is famous for. She doesn't care that I am so sick that I'm actually fighting for my life. She doesn't care that while everyone flees I am the one person who always stays by her side even when I am able to leave.
I think this just proves, even though my mom's mood swings and tantrums are a regular occurrence, that in fact this Gerson Therapy is tough on everyone mentally, physically and emotionally. I already knew going in who I could rely upon for certain things. I really don't know why I felt like I was blindsided by the disturbing flare up from my mother thing morning. She'll probably read this and get angrier. She never believes anyone anyway...it's always the fault of whomever left her, whatever friend doesn't want to spend time with her, whatever companion has cut ties. Never any personal responsibility there. Even with all of this, I strongly believe the therapy is making it much worse. I except to see more but will try to put it out of mind so that I don't get too stressed and hurt my healing time.
There is nothing I would love more than to live in a calm, safe, quiet environment. But for now I am simply fortunate and count my blessings to have a place to lay my head at night. A place that I can survive, albeit barely. I really don't even have anyplace else to go. I can't even drive away because I lost my keys and didn't realize until yesterday that I don't know where they are. I really have no idea...so, for now I have rescheduled the appointment with MSI at the hospital, barricaded myself in the bedroom with my dog (the only thing in this world other than God that loves me no matter what).
On the upside...
I had a crummy day and felt so irritable. I couldn't help myself and was just so crabby. I managed to mostly stay on schedule, but I felt almost like I got no help. Since no one could do anything right, I figured it must be the detox. I had read that it can really mess you up once in a while, so I chose to mostly stay in bed and try to rest. You would think without anyone around I wouldn't have anything to irritate me. Frankly, I felt bothered that I even woke up...crazy, right?
This is out of control and I really hope that tomorrow I am back to my normal self. Not the self that "puts up with" stuff, but the self that doesn't sweat the small stuff and enjoys the little things in life. I like her much better!
I did step up the green juice and I am feeling more energetic overall these past two days, so I have decided to up my green drinks from 8 oz to 12-16 oz each time and switch out some of the carrot/apple juice for the green. I think it will continue to improve my cognitive skills and give me more energy.
Hope you all had a good day. I know logically this day was a success but it just feels like it sucked. Tomorrow will be better. I suppose it could have been much, much worse. I could have shit on the bed again or not woken up this morning at all...both of which I am not completely prepared to deal with anytime soon.
Good night and here's to the rest of the week looking up.
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Back again, sorry. I almost forgot to tell you that I finally remembered to get the battery for the scale. This afternoon (yep, after I had been consuming water, juice and food) I weighed myself fully clothed and even had slippers on and was down to 255...so, I think this week I may get down to 250. I really hope I never see the 260's again. And, still no pain meds =D
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It's Day 3 of Week 3...so far, not too shabby. I didn't really stick with it 100% yesterday. While mom and I were out and about I got hungry and ended up eating a BRC from El Pollo Loco...not the worst choice I could have made. And last night I added some shredded organic chicken to some veggies and rice. Otherwise, I've been mostly on schedule with everything, so I'm pretty stoked about that.
I have been having a really hard time with sinus headaches and this morning I woke up with a gnarly pinch of a migraine just above and behind my left eye...that was less than pleasant to say the least. Also, some other things are happening in the area of my sinuses and I'm sure it has to do with my cysts and the detox attacking it and whatnot. My nose has been bleeding a little here and there, it's irritated, it felt like I had a problem around the top right wisdom tooth area and roof of my mouth (which has mostly gone away now but I was worried I had an infection in my jaw) and I've had the usual swelling and congestion like I used to have all the time. I think it wasn't so bad since I've not only gone through all of that before over the past few years since I got sick, but because I read about what to expect and have some some research online about various detox reactions.
Anyway, I have gotten two really good nights of sleep and am trying to get ready for today. I feel like staying in bed and hooking up the humidifier (Danielle washed it for me but I have yet to set it up). I didn't realize that my dad was so concerned about me and what I was doing with this therapy. He came over yesterday and we got to spend some time together and talk about what's been going on. He's having a hard time wrapping his brain around the coffee enemas, but for the most part I think the rest make some kind of sense to him. I'm going to loan him my book as soon as I'm done reading it.
Today I hope to feel good, enjoy the day, get a few things done and hopefully also go out and spend time with a new interest. He's very nice and I'm enjoying getting to know him. It's still new though, so I didn't really get into details about this...fortunately, I think he's too busy to read this and find the details of the therapy for himself. LOL That would be an awkward conversation..."Um, I spend several hours a day taking coffee up my backside and I feel better." AHHHH hahahaha.
Hope you are in good spirits, clear minded and enjoying the day. I bought a new hat yesterday, so I may wear it if I manage to make it out to the Farmer's Market this morning. Take care!
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Man, today was another tough day. I totally survived but instead of being chipper and happy, I really just wanted to be left alone. Mom's feelings are hurt. She is feeling needy and is upset that I non longer am able to tolerate her many hours of endless talking about nothing important at all. ON the upside, at least I don't have to pretend anymore because my tolerance the last few days have been very low for putting up with nonsense. I can't wait until this passes. I don't think the people around me can handle much more of this...I can't either. Also, didn't help much that I was prepared to suck it up and go out today only to find out via text that we weren't going anywhere. I know it was for the best but I was disappointed. Oh well, stayed on schedule for the most part. Good night and I hope everyone has a great week!
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Tuesday, February 19, 2013...Week 3, Day 6
I starting to feel better. The rest and sticking with the schedule has really done some good...for me at least. I definitely have a sinus infection in full swing at the moment. I'm getting headaches, sinus pressure, the whole nine yards. I called to make an appointment with the doctor and was given a bit of a hard time...they even asked if I had insurance yet. Why would I even need to provide them with insurance as it's a worker's comp claim? Morons. If they don't call me back by tomorrow morning with an appointment to see my doctor, I will email her directly as she advised me to do if they give me a hard time again. Honestly, why do some people think they have power when their jobs entail making appointments and filing paperwork? I am not stressed about this, just slightly annoyed.
Yesterday was a tough day. Not because I felt crappy but because I was sadly reminded about where I am in my state of health. The guy I was trying to get to know only wants to be friends as I really can't keep up with him and his interests. Well, that's fair and I'm not bothered by that at all. But it was an unwelcomed reminder that I'm not as well as I think I am or as well as I want to be. I'm far from my goals and need to make sure that my priorities are in check. My goals to focus on now are my health and my education, health being my primary focus and my education to occupy my time for a few months.
My mom is upset. She's having a really hard time lately, especially because I really haven't been up to hanging out much with her. She has been so kind to help me when and where she can, even offering up the bed and sleeping on the couch. My mom is very social and when she gets home she really wants to visit...by the time she gets home I'm so worn out and just glad that I made it another day. I've been hanging out in the bedroom most of the day, even when I don't have to. It's just much calmer and more comfortable in here. I kind of like the peace and quiet. Plus, I thought she would like that I'm reigning the crap piles in and keeping it to a central location. I was wrong. She wants me to lay on the couch all day so she can see me every single time she walks in; maybe she likes turning the lights on and opening all the blinds to brighten it up (when she's gone I close everything because its more comfortable for me), I've been trying to keep the living room cleaner and less messy by keeping my stuff in the room too. I think she's just lonely and needs what I can no longer give her. Maybe she does need to date...maybe she just needs to go find some girlfriends and go enjoy life without worrying about me so much.
I lover her, but at this point in my life I really must insist on things that make me happy and will help me reach my goals of survival.
Overall, having a fine day. I woke up late. I am way behind on schedule. I made my own breakfast. I made some juice. I took my own supplements and had a snack. It's almost 2 now, so I think I need to work on some lunch, a juice and more supplements...only like an hour behind. No big deal. As long as it gets done, right?
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Well, today is almost over. I made it. Whew! I reimplemented the castor oil treatment...ewwwww! It tastes worse than I remember and I almost barfed into the sink this morning. After getting passes that I was rather surprised. Instead of it taking about 2 hours to start "working" it started working in the afternoon. I was surprised that after all this time it was still pulling so much out of the digestive tract. Good thing I started doing it again. Not sure I can stand doing it every other day, but I will do the castor oil treatments at least twice a week. Tomorrow is the last day of week 3 and I couldn't be more excited. By the way, I lost more weight. I am down to 253 as of yesterday morning, am preparing for my cycle (which I usually gain and get a little bloated)(note to self: no niacin during my cycle) and I am down to not only wearing a size 20w jeans, but today I wore an old pair of 20w jeans that I know for sure I have dried and shrunk....wahoooooo!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________
This is the end of Week 3. It's been a tough week but I pulled through. Just when I was snapping back mentally my mom, who is my only regular support, had a mental breakdown. She usually relies on me and is having a really hard time with this adjustment of me leaning on her so much, no really being there as her companion, and is majorly stressed out about money. Its so weird because just yesterday she took me to the store and was excited to offer to pay for all of our groceries, which was a lot since we needed almost everything and more water. I said she didn't need to and that I could pay for my half, but she insisted. It isn't usually like her to offer to pay so much for my way and it seemed like it made her happy that she could help me out a little so I let her. Upon awakening this morning...which was already difficult since I had to get up early for an appt at the hospital for MSI (some county insurance that I probably don't even qualify for anyway), get all of my paperwork in order and do my morning routine really quickly...she had a meltdown. Screaming, throwing things, crying. She said I took over her entire house (which our side of the apartment consists of a bedroom, living room, kitchen and a dining room off of the kitchen). She said I made a mess of everything and that I have completely taken over. Of course I have been realizing this. This is exactly why I hired someone to help me with the cooking and cleaning, so they could help me reorganize and get all of this under control...thus, I could avoid these crazy temper tantrums my mother is famous for. She doesn't care that I am so sick that I'm actually fighting for my life. She doesn't care that while everyone flees I am the one person who always stays by her side even when I am able to leave.
I think this just proves, even though my mom's mood swings and tantrums are a regular occurrence, that in fact this Gerson Therapy is tough on everyone mentally, physically and emotionally. I already knew going in who I could rely upon for certain things. I really don't know why I felt like I was blindsided by the disturbing flare up from my mother thing morning. She'll probably read this and get angrier. She never believes anyone anyway...it's always the fault of whomever left her, whatever friend doesn't want to spend time with her, whatever companion has cut ties. Never any personal responsibility there. Even with all of this, I strongly believe the therapy is making it much worse. I except to see more but will try to put it out of mind so that I don't get too stressed and hurt my healing time.
There is nothing I would love more than to live in a calm, safe, quiet environment. But for now I am simply fortunate and count my blessings to have a place to lay my head at night. A place that I can survive, albeit barely. I really don't even have anyplace else to go. I can't even drive away because I lost my keys and didn't realize until yesterday that I don't know where they are. I really have no idea...so, for now I have rescheduled the appointment with MSI at the hospital, barricaded myself in the bedroom with my dog (the only thing in this world other than God that loves me no matter what).
On the upside...
- I more often than not sleep at night, and while I am sleeping I sleep really well and feel rested for the day when I wake up
- I lost more weight and am now down to 252.5lbs and now fit into my old, overdried size 20w jeans (so basically I'm down to like an 18!)
- My skin is looking healthier and happier
- The old brown dye is coming out of my hair and it's turning back to blonde...weird, huh?
- I'm getting healthier overall and am sure I am doing the right thing
- I am learning my boundaries and trusting the guidance of my parents (ie: too soon to start school again)
- I have noticed that I have the lights on and/or the window shades open more often instead of sitting or laying in dark rooms
- I haven't had any pain pills in 3 weeks now and have only taken 2 Advil in any one day (mostly 0-1 a day)...I do still have headaches and migraines, lots of them, but I am managing them mostly with coffee enemas and relaxation as much as possible
- I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF & I'M HOPEFUL THAT I HAVE A REAL FUTURE AHEAD OF ME!!
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