WEEK 5
Last week was harder than I thought, more productive than I thought and more expensive than I thought. It was, of course, well worth it. But I was fairly unprepared, just desperate to get going. Once the headaches were gone (okay, they were never really gone but manageable with little or no help like ibuprofen) I really felt like I could think again, was remembering things better and just felt more clear of mind.
For a year now, I have been telling myself that if I went a week without a headache I would sign back up for school. I didn't even need the whole week to make up my mind. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I am saying that I am ready to focus and meet my goals. Heck, I only have 4 classes left...2 security classes and my Capstone class and project. I'm so excited. I'm even considering what to do after I complete my BS in IT Management. The answers will come with time, but it's looking like I will feel well enough to return to work before too long (I know it's relative and I have to play it by ear for now, but at least it looks as if it's moving in the right direction, right?) and then join a Master's program. I've been really thinking about what I want in my life, how to achieve these goals and what is truly important to me. I really don't want to be an administrator anymore. I think I could be really good at it, but I don't want that for my life. It's too stressful and I feel I could use what I've got to help the education system, still teach and have a full life outside of the schoolsite compound. Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Well, I'm back on track today. I slept a ton last night and I also began reading Charlotte Gerson's book from the beginning instead of browsing around section by section looking for specific information that I needed at that particular moment. It's such an easy ready and I'm really getting a lot out of it.
I'll write more later. Hope you all have a fantastic day! BTW, its Friday, so you better have a great day!
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It's been a very tough week so far. I've had 3-4 days of increasingly worse headaches which are now starting to include migraines (...awesooooome! PSYCHE!) I had to think about why this is happening again. About the same time, Daneille and I decided for efficiency it would be okay to juice once a day and make enough for the rest of the day and beginning of the next morning. I'll update you on this to see if minute-fresh juice makes the difference. I'm hopeful. and I will let you know.
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I think the headaches are improving. Not totally gone but they definitely improved since we've been making fresh juice. I thought it would be okay, it was not. I have noticed some other issues that upon research are just simply because of the detox:
- Sneezing a lot! I thought I was getting a cold it was so bad
- Slight feverish last night
- Couldn't sleep last night until way late (4am)
- Weird bumps on the roof of my mouth, like hives but in my mouth
- Sinuses are swelling shut and sometimes I'm having a hard time breathing, just like it used to while I was still at work being exposed constantly to "whatever" ...maybe this means it's being attacked and I'm being re-exposed to whatever was left in my system
Well, Daneille is taking a couple of days off starting tomorrow. I'm really going to miss her. I expect my mom will have a few bouts of being unhappy and stressing out because of things not getting clean enough or dinner not being made (either on time or at all). I am just going to have to accept that this is highly likely to occur and try to remain calm so that the stress doesn't hurt my recovery.
I took a picture of myself a couple of days ago, so I thought I would include it so you can see my progression and what I am currently enjoying =) I found this in my closet and never wore it because I was too bloated to be comfy for so long. I plan to enjoy it now!
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Tomorrow is the last day of the "week" and I have to say I have had good, sometimes great moments and really awful ones as well...and sometimes they are happening at the same time. Overall, this afternoon and tonight I feel like crap. I'm tired and just want to sleep, the sores on the roof of my mouth are driving me batty (this is worse than a stubbed toe that you keep bumping because everything I have to consume for this therapy (supplements, food, juice) all seems to irritate this dang thing) and lately my sinuses have been giving me a heck of a time. I've not sneezed quite as much today as I had the rest of this week, but my sinuses keep swelling open and shut like they used to while I was still at work. It kind of scared me because even my throat was starting to close, just like it did at my previous job. Scary! I took some deep breathes and tried to relax until it passes.
I'm feeling extremely irritable, particularly towards my mom. I've read in several spots that your psyche can be effected, especially in the beginning. I love her and really do appreciate her helping me get through this. But, she wants me to do things with her or listen to her constantly when I need to rest or be eating (which lately has often meant cooking it myself too, so even less rest). I felt so guilty for having to ask her to make any adjustments, but I swear if I have to actually ask her to leave the room and stop talking my ear off while I'm in the middle of the damn enema business I might just scream. I might be stuck where I am (either intake mode on the bed or out take mode in the restroom) but that doesn't mean I am a sitting duck for you to spew every thought of your mind at me. How can I relax like that??? And why should I have to tell a grown woman not to stand at the doorway staring at me while my intestines are coming out or talk to my butt while the tube is inserted? Really?? Yes, really.
I'm so exhausted. I will most certainly be needing the help the remainder of the month and possibly March as well. It's just too much. I'm trying to stay objective and be realistic about this whole thing. I cannot do this on my own and while my mother is trying, she cannot really help me even half of what I need.
I have never felt so helpless or selfish in my entire life. But, if this is what I need to do, then this is what I will do. I have to start saying no, firmly but not in a hurtful way. I need to stop over-planning activities for myself and I need to ask specifically for what I need. Frankly, I'm also sick to death of having to go to the damn grocery store every day or every other day to replenish the produce I need. It's getting pretty expensive too. I've charged as much as I can for groceries and supplies so I have cash for the caregiver. But it's just SO expensive. I wasn't expecting it to be this much. It's worth it, don't get me wrong, but wow. Organic produce is hard to find in Southern California, let alone at a low price. I suck it up as much as I can and keep on going.
My sinuses seem to be the epicenter of my ongoing issues. So it's no surprise that I am getting migraines and pressure/sinus headaches (still able to manage with breathing techniques and up to 2 advil a day), ear pressure, pain and swelling in my nostril/sinus area, sneezing, coughing (those last two are really "fun" when you are in the middle of an enema...not!) and now these sores on the roof of my mouth. Tonight I gave in...I took 2 advil at once, then two melatonin and rinsed my mouth with the mouth wash the dentist gave my mom for her root canal a couple weeks ago. It's seemed to numb the pain on my mouth a bit. I'm feeling tired but still can't sleep...I'm praying it will come soon, but I didn't sleep much last night either.
I'm a little concerned with school beginning in about 2 weeks. While I am having trouble sleeping and it's mostly because I'm awake constantly (vs. being asleep like I was the past 1-2 years), I'm really hoping that with a more consistent schedule for myself that it helps me to be consistent with my schoolwork, group projects, reading, etc. I mean, the classes are only 4-8 weeks each, so there is no time at all to fall behind. I don't want my new team to think I'm a flake. Speaking of new teams, I really hope to find a good one that I can stick with all the way through the Capstone course and finish out the program. I was fortunate to have an amazing team before and would be amazed to find another, but I am hopeful. I also am not feeling as though I have the energy to leas the team, so hopefully this wonder team wants me but doesn't need me to lead. Is that asking too much? I'm not hoping for a free ride...just really that I don't have to pick up too much slack at first as I may have a hard time picking up my own. This is where Daneille's services will really still be needed next month. I will need to be very strict on my schedule, need to focus my energies on healing, resting and schoolwork...but other areas of my life still need to be tended to: cooking, cleaning, errands/chores, projects like packing up all my old books in the bookshelf and take them all to storage.
Daneille and my mom were talking yesterday. I heard her say that she and her daughter are thinking about moving in August to go back to the Portland Oregon area. I'm happy for her, but for some weird reason feel like she's leaving me. These emotions are outta control almost. I'm certain this is the therapy and not some weird PCOS hormonal problem of temporary insanity or instability. I suppose I don't really need Daneille for that long, I mean, it's only February now...and unless I win the lottery that I don't play, I really won't be able to afford her beyond March or April anyhow. It was like my caregiver and friend was leaving. Weird, isn't it?
I can't believe it's already been two weeks since really starting this therapy. Well, 13 days is close enough for me. I can't wait to try on the red dress I bought myself at JC Penney's before starting. It was the 2 week gift I bought myself. And, it just so happens that tomorrow is also Valentine's Day. I don't have a Valentine this year, but that is pretty standard for me. I thought I would as I have been dating more than previous years. While there are a few good candidates in the running, it doesn't appear that I had put the wheels in motion early enough to establish anything holiday worthy just yet. Whatever, I have my mom and Bailey. Mom bought me a fresh Lavender plant today at Sprouts for Valentine's Day and I can't wait to replant it on the patio...the patio is really ready for some plants to be out there. I wonder where I can find some organic, healthy soil to use for my plants and vegetables/herb garden. Hmm...I need to look into this because I have a feeling that I want this going before school begins again.
Did I mention the weird Niacin flushes I've been getting? I probably mentioned something at some point. I have noticed I get a really bad flush about every three days or do. I mean, I look like a crazy bright red splotchy woman who just stepped outta the sun (not the beach with sun, but actually stepping out of the sun itself) but managed to get "some" sunblock on in a few spots. I'm getting used to it now. I know what to expect for the most part and am fairly glad I am beginning this in the winter versus the summer when it's already hot outside.
Well, I will wrap this up for now. I'm feeling a bit sleepy...not sleepy enough to fall asleep, but enough to keep rambling on and on senselessly for a few more pages and wish to spare you, my friends, from finding out my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secret...that I'm a kook.
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So glad this week is over! I'm tired, more crabby than usual, more productive than usual, more energy than usual, some headaches, pain in my mouth and feelings of a cold than usual. Arrrr, matey. I'm crabby and I want it to be over. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride is no longer welcome around here...but, he will do whatever he wants with his ride and I suppose I will just suck it up a bit longer.
2 whole weeks down, 54 weeks to go. Whew. Sounds like a lot less when I write it down like that. HAHAHA, nope.
Today I had a pretty good day. My schedule was way off, so I'm feeling it tonight as I'm more gassy, more headaches and just feeling kind of yucky. But I went out driving, ran some errands, got dressed up in that brown dress from the picture above and looked even better in it today than before, got a hair cut that was quick and easy, some guys flirted with me which it's been a while, guess my confidence was shining through, talked with a handsome man and possibly have a date this weekend (wahoo), went out with Cruz and now it's bed time. I'm skipping several juices, and most of the last two meals and snacks. I may do one last enema of the day, but then I'm crashing. I have done enough.
Tomorrow I suspect I may have to pay for the habits of today...so, I may just plan to do a Castor Oil treatment to get it over with faster.
Overall, the week was productive. I did well, am feeling better. I learned the value of super fresh juice, taking the supplements and doing 4+ coffee enemas a day to help rid the toxins and some pain from the headaches. I had some days that I cheated or cut corners and the weight started to creep back. I got back on track and then it began coming back off. The weight isn't really what concerns me much at all...it's those sneaky awful headaches that I don't ever want to have again. So, stick to the plan, organize and plan ahead if doing activities outside of the house and I need the help. Mom helped a bit more this week, but after the first day the excitement and spirit wore off and she was busy doing something more enjoyable (just about anything else is moer enjoyable than this, trust me).
If you're thinking about using this therapy, be sure to read up on it and get as much materials as you can ahead of time. Oh, and those flushes from the niacin are really fun in public...so learn to ignore them and hopefully other people will too. LOL Good night and Happy VDay!!
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