Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Months ELEVEN & TWELVE

Months 11 &12:

December-January 2013

Crackers.  It's not going well.  I broke down and picked up the new pain medicine from the pharmacy.  I'm not looking forward to it, but maybe it will make these gnarly headaches go away.  What concerns me is that I'm supposed to take it twice a day instead of as needed.  I'm going to try it, but I really don't know how that is going to go.  I will let you know.

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Officially off the Gerson Therapy.  I'm going to take the nasal allergy spray, the migraine headache meds daily and sumatriptan as needed and then metformin to help with the insulin resistance.  Going from natural, holistic to chemicals was a tough decision, but I simply cannot do the therapy in full on my own.  So, instead of mixing both and getting nowhere, I think I'm going to go what feels right right now...medicine it is.  I really hope this works.  Getting used to the medicine and chemicals as my body adjusts has been very hard on me and has caused a lot of concern.  I think I had a heart attack the night before last.  It was awful and just as I was about to call 911 to come get me I threw up and it all stopped.  Anyway, that's the update.  Trying new medicine with these new doctors and am praying it goes well.
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I've had some relief the last couple of days.  The foot pain came and went.  I think I will continue on this treatment plan as long as I am able.  Unfortunately, after a couple of nearly amazing days and lots of energy (I couldn't hardly sleep...normal, this happens on occasion since I got sick).

Anyway, I want you to know that I feel like I'm just tired of taking the time to write this out.  I'm tired of complaining and this year I want to try and focus on the positive.  With that being said, I'm sick but surviving and I will no longer be writing a blog about it.  I will still be juicing and it turns out that the green juice tastes amazing without the added Gerson Therapy supplements and whatnot.  I kind of like juicing.  I will continue to try to have less processed foods, lower salt intake and pay attention to my body when it's telling me something.

For those of you who have been supportive, I want to say thank you.  It meant a lot to me that you were there for me.  This is my life and I'm going to do my best to have a better attitude and appreciate the great things in life...like that I have one.  This year has taught me that I'm not the same as I used to be and that I need to just roll with it.  Have an open mind, try to learn my new self, my new abilities and restrictions and just go with it.

Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Months NINE & TEN

Months 9-10: October-November 2013

Wow, I can't believe it's already October.  Here is a quick update...I haven't been sleeping well at all but feel wide awake most of the time.  My feet are killing me and it turns out that some other bones, like in my hand, hurt when I touch them with any kind of pressure.  I did some research these past few days and I think I've gotten a better grasp on what my situation is and what may be continuing some of these problems.

#1 - Obviously I have a problem with the mold still from work.  I think I have some fungal sinus infection which may be a fungal ball.  I'm hoping its not spreading or doing damage that can't be undone.  If this is the case, they can remove it with surgery and treat with antifungal antibiotics and then life can go on with long term checkups.  Sounds great...when the heck are they gonna get one this?  I don't know.

#2 - In the meanwhile, I continue to get sinus infections that flare up out of control and a lot of headaches.  My body isn't handling the medications to treat either the infections or the pain very well.  I thought I was losing my mind, but as I have some clarity at the moment, I would like to present the idea that I am not falling apart...I am simply suffering from rare but serious side effects of the medication that my doctor's are prescribing to help me deal with the sinus infections and headaches.  Darn.  It's like a no-win situation.

#3 - Levoquin is not my friend.  My bones hurt, I can hardly walk and I feel so achy.  I'm not sleeping well, having weird dreams...when I am sleeping its not for long but it seems like very good sleep.  The rash on my hand is still bad, related or not, I really don't know.  Everything listed is getting worse the longer I've been on the Levoquin.  I almost feel better though because I was concerned this all was caused by the mold exposure.  Whew!  I hate medicine.

#4 - I'm perfect.  I might be in pain, wide awake and having a hard time breathing, but I have a wonderful life with my soon-to-be husband, a gret dog to keep me company and I don't feel crazy.  I've accepted that for the time being my brain doesn't function properly all the time, I may not be able to sleep (more time to do projects if I'm not too achy) and there is a very bright light at the end of this tunnel...a light that I haven't really seen before.  This is great!  I knew God would pull me through all of this.  Honestly, I thought I might just have to accept this as how it will be...as soon as I was okay with this, God made it clear that there is a way out.  This all most definitely has impacted my life now and forever.  I will certainly be more grateful and humble.  I am more appreciative and forgiving, that is for sure.

Well, that's the update.  I'm feeling a little dizzy and my hand-eye coordiation right now it driving me bonkers with having to fix all of the typing errors (fingers are pressing the right keys but in the wrong order...lol.  I can laugh about it now.)  Take good care of yourself!

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Dang, yesterday was a nasty day.  I just felt awful, finally slept but couldn't really stop sleeping...I kept falling asleep and I was dizzy and had poor focus.  My head had a ton of pressure making my ears not feel so good and I ended up taking about 10+ excedrin because my head hurt so bad and just wouldn't improve.

Today I have to get it together because I have to get to the dr's office and I don't think I will have a ride.  Dr, Barri was sick last week, unforuntately I got a ride, waited over an hour and then was told he was out...but today I need to get myself there sfely and hold a conversation.
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Been a long while since I've written.  A lot has been going on.  I'm doing my best to feel better and sometimes I do and most times I do not.  All in all, I'm happy that I'm surviving and I feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

I now have medical insurance and am able to see doctors willing to help me find out what the problems are and how to resolve them.  Long story short, the allergies are a real problem and it seems I am hypersensitive to everything.  Good news is that the ENT gave me some nasal allergy spray to try and see it that helps.  I go back to see the ENT in a few more weeks and if the spray doesn't work, then he says there are other medications to try.  Also, the best part is that he said the cysts can stay without being operated on since they aren't really causing my problems (what a serious relief!!)  I am also working on getting a referral to the Allergist.  With that I can get an updated allergy test so I know what I'm allergic to and how serious it is....and then start getting the allergy desensitizing shots.  I do think that overall the nasal spray must be doing something because I've had more days/times throughout the days that I can think straight.  I'm really swelling  lot up and down throughout the day and I am able to focus and really try to identify when it's happening.  For instance, I am at BlizzCon with Kevin this weekend.  I noticed I was feeling okay, though nervous because I don't want to disappoint him.  The swelling was relatively low, I could breathe and think and my tailbone wasn't hurting.  Also, my feet weren't doing too shabby and I could walk way more than I thought.

As I walked passed the smokers outside of the Anaheim Convention Center my nose and throat began to swell up and I began to have a hard time breathing (though that calmed to a tolerable level after entering the building) and then the swelling began to bad that everything else started happening.  I must be allergic to something in the building because it wasn't happening after I ate or drank anything...face, fingers, hands, feet...all so swollen I had to actually remove my wedding ring because my finger felt like the circulation was getting cut off and I now have a gnarly rash/irritation from broken skin where my ring is supposed to be.  On top of that, my tailbone started hurting like crazy and my feet were terrible again...and I was sitting (on my cushion, of course).  It didn't really calm back down until this morning, but stopped getting worse after I left the building and walked back to our hotel room.

What a weird place to find myself these days.  Now I have to be careful of the air quality, the buildings, what I'm eating (possibly) and who knows what else.  I really need this to end.  How can I find a job and go back to work if I don't know if it will irritate me or not?  Crap on a cracker, this could be a big problem.  I guess I'm relying upon the allergy shots to help me get this under control and hopefully I can go into my potential work environment and try to see if I have any reactions.  I don't know, one day at a time.

Well, I'm going to get some rest.  Kevin gave me a bit of a pass for the convention but I'm going to have to get it together and get over there soon.  I can't just let him hang out alone all day and I miss him.  I hate that me being sick is interfering in our time together and enjoying his hobbies and interests together.  I feel like I'm not being supportive and I hate that while I'm there all I can think about is how uncomfortable I am and how much longer until I get to leave.  I really hope Kevin doesn't think that I can't sit and pay attention and enjoy his hobbies and interests, which I usually can.  This is terrible.  I hope he understands and I can make it up to him in the future.

Before I forget, this coming week I'm going to Emerald Cove (Arizona) with my dad.  I'm kind of hoping that we have time to check out how I react in some of the cities out there.  I know Kevin was thinking that we could live in Sedona or maybe some place close to it.  Maybe that would be a good idea if I can live in a place that is cleaner and less polluted...how could it hurt?  That's a long way off.  For now I will focus on checking out new places, surviving, getting well with the doctors and go back to the Gerson Therapy.

Take good care!
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Wow, I've been busy.  Here is the update...

I think the nasal allergy spray was exactly what I needed!  I can breathe most of the day with the swelling returning about 4 or 5 PM regularly.  But those hours of fresh breathing are amazing.  I have been able to think so clearly (not 100% back to normal yet, but such a massive improvement that I don't care).  I have more energy because I'm not in as much pain and I have been doing more...I have been walking more, I went to the BlizzCon with Kevin, came home and then went camping to Parker, AZ with my dad for 3 nights.  Note to self: I will not be moving to AZ because it was so dry my sinuses started to hurt and bleed again.  Also, my tailbone hurts way more than I thought, but that's because I don't always lay around like I was and am sitting more to drive around, enjoy different activities, etc. and I don't know why but I have some serious stiffness in the upper back/lower neck area and that's annoying.  Oh, my feet still hurt quite a bit.

Well, I'm home today and I have some cleaning to do and I feel totally up to it.  I think I can get unpacked from my trips and get caught up on the laundry.  I should be able to make lunch for Kevin and I without too many problems.  I have a little headache, but I think I will just see if it will go away.  Most of the swelling has gone down since BlizzCon...that was a mess for sure.  I am trying to be more aware of the swelling.  Oddly enough, it doesn't seem to happen from anything I'm eating or drinking...it seems environmental, as seen at the Anaheim Convention Center last week.  I think it won't be too long until the rest of the swelling goes away and then I will start the Gerson on Monday, which I'm looking forward to.  I think I will do much better.

My Gerson plan this time:
-Supplements 4 times per day (Gerson recommended supps)
-Supplements from NeoLife 1 packet per day
-2-3 coffee enemas a day
-1 castor oil treatment (orally, not enema) per week...maybe per month cuz it's too gross
-3-5 juices per day
-Organic produce, meats and little to no salt for 2 meals per day
-Organic oatmeal and OJ for breakfast with honey and the iodine/potassium drops added

I think this could really work.  I'm ordering my juicer today.  I will be going to the grocery store tomorrow to pick up the OJ (I forgot my juice on Dad's RV) and then maybe some organic meat to add to the freezer.

Well, I'm so stoked about what is going on.  I think I'm on the right track to recovery and I'm so excited.  I do need to get help with the feet and tailbone pain.  I'm hoping that the therapy will take the pain in my feet away.  We will see.
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Thought...

I was gone for nearly a week and when I came back, though tired, I was feeling a bit better.  I wonder if the allergens from work are in my mattress.  If they are, that would explain why its taken me so long to recover.  I know that I would often come home from work and just go to bed, even in my work clothes and just pass out from exhaustion.  Kevin noticed that when I first returned I felt and looked much better.  But after being home a few nights the swelling and redness has returned, the headaches have returned and my energy is zapped again.  Crud.  To test this theory, Kevin and his cousin are taking the mattress down to the garage and we will sleep in the air mattress for a week and see how I do.  If I do much better, we will remove the bed from our home and on Black Friday I will try to find a new bed set from Macy's and just put it on my Macy's card.  I only have about $350 on that card, so I hope I can find a good bed for us if it comes to it.

Anyway, I started my Gerson Therapy again today.  It didn't go very well...well, it went well in regards that I did some of it and I feel no worse than before.  But, I woke up feeling terrible...I slept in very late, was late making and eating my breakfast, went grocery shopping and was late to start taking the supplements for the day.  It was a blessing that my mom could come help me and even helped me to buy the groceries today and made me some juice.  I don't think she really knows how much she helped me today.  I'm so glad to have her to help me right now.

I've done one enema and I have to say, it went way better than it did in the last round of treatment...I think because there was a long gap of time to heal the sensitive areas effected by the treatments.  So, I have to say it was good.  Also, I have a headache, the kind that felt like an axe stuck in the top middle of my head...but now it seems to have gone after the treatment and that was a nice relief.

I have a fresh batch of soup on the stove for today and tomorrow.  I forgot the exact recipe, so I got a little creative.  I used a box of organic low sodium chicken broth, 1/2 parsnip, 1 bowl of brown rice, 3 stalks of celery, 1 large leek, 5 yukon gold potatoes, parley and nearly 2 handfuls of garlic smashed and lightly chopped.  I did put in some pepper, but I doubt that will be a bad thing =)  I'm really hoping that it tastes good and is ready soon.

Today I've only had 1 cup of organic peach oatmeal with honey and a small sliver of butter, 2 carrot/apple juices and a mango.  It's nearly 3:30 and I would like some food.  I'm really looking forward to it.  You know, I think I might add a couple of organic chicken breasts to the soup now so it can all cook together.  That should be good, yummy and basically stay on track for the therapy's requirements.

I feel like I'm mostly rambling and just wanted to give an update.  Had a magically perfect day, then back downhill from there.  I'm back on the therapy and we are trying to determine if my mattress is making me ill.

I will update more another day if anything important comes up.
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I'm so tired its ridiculous.  Foot pain came back.  Headaches and focusing issues are coming and going.  But mostly I'm just so exhausted.  I mean, I feel like I'm about to pass out I'm so exhausted.  But when the energy comes back it's good.  I wish I had some more help.  All I can do is my best.  So I spend my days trying to keep up with minimal house chores, cooking for myself and Kevin, taking my supplements, doing the enemas (3 per day).  Surprisingly I don't really get hungry much.  I thought I would be more hungry since I haven't really been juicing enough...I just can't keep up physically.

Anyway, I'm tired and I want to lay down.  Just wanted to provide you with an update.

Oh, I almost forgot that I had a freakout moment that I'm 100% certain is from the detoxing that causes mood swings.  The problems were always there, I just couldn't keep quiet about taking the crap anymore.  It got ugly.
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I'm so tired.  My right foot seems to still hurt but it way better and comes and goes.  Left foot is less frequent.  Headaches have drastically improved. I don't have headaches every day.  I don't have constant low level type headaches.  I do still get the sharp, really painful headaches here and there most days but they come and go (they go after I do a treatment) so I think its good.

I am just having a really hard time staying on schedule and sticking with the routine.  I have a new rash on my ring finger, so that is disappointing.  I had some major swelling after eating the food at a friend's wedding Saturday night.  The swelling has mostly gone now (Tuesday), so I'm happy about that.  Yesterday I did a Castor Oil treatment and that made it hard to do the enema portion because I kept going to the restroom and my stomach was really upset.  Since I didn't feel good and I was tired, I actually ended up only drinking 2 glasses of OJ but never made any carrot/apple or green juices like I'm supposed to.

I think today will be better.  I already woke up on time.  I dealt with the water situation.  I boiled some more coffee.  I made and ate oatmeal and OJ already, took my morning supplements, used the nasal allergy spray and finished a treatment.  I desperately need to make a carrot/apple juice and then work on my hygiene.  At this point, its going to take a major push to get my stinky behind on the shower...I just want to lay down and rest.  I also need to do some laundry because I'm dangerously low on washcloths, towels and underwear.  Mom is on her way in a bit.  She's going to stop at the store to get me more carrots, so that way I don't have to go shopping.  I am hoping she will really step up and make me some juice and help me with the laundry.  If she can help me with that I can bathe and rest.  It would be an enormous help.

It's Thanksgiving this week.  I'm not sure what to expect.  I really need to do my best to stick to the therapy plans, but I might just take half of Thursday off so I can enjoy an early dinner and shopping with the family and maybe Friday morning off so I can do some more shopping.  I am trying to get ready for that.  Tomorrow I am baking the pumpkin apple muffins and then pumpernickel bread in the bread maker.  I figured I can do both of those ahead of time and I can take as much time as I need.  Also, I made a shopping list.  I really think I will be going to Michael's and Macy's...I want some painting supplies and I need to get a new set of sheets and some clothes (mostly for Kevin and a few winter items for me)...I also need to be on the look out for items I need for the arts & crafts I will be making for the gifts this year.

Well, I need to go make a juice and force myself in the shower and back to bed (I don't have to force the last part, just the other bits...you know, save the best for last, like dangling a little treat in my face to help me get through the other tasks).
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The headaches have returned and brought with them nosebleeds.  The old bed removal experiment was a bust and I feel like it wasn't a good study since I was doing therapy and taking the allergy meds the whole time.  I feel like crap.  I'm achy, tired, my head feels like it weighs a ton and there is so much pressure.  The headaches I've been getting are not the normal ones that I was having before.

That's the update.  Basically, everything is the same as it has been for the past few years.  Gotta keep plugging away and hopefully get some positive results.  Until then, at least I have a supportive fiance and hope.
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Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month EIGHT

WEEK 8: SEPTEMBER 2014

It's been such a tough month so far.  My feet hurt, my head hurts, I'm not feeling great.  I took about a week off of therapy and I can't believe how awful I already feel.  This sinus infection is kicking me butt (yes, I FINALLY got the antibiotics).  Today I feel like I just can't pull it together.  I wanna throw up.  I'm dizzy.  My feet hurt and my feet and hands keep tingling.  I had a couple of really amazing days before all the crap started hitting the wall again.  Dang.
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Well, I've officially been off the Gerson therapy for nearly 2 weeks.  The sinus infection is still there, my feet still hurt like crazy (especially my right foot) and I'm getting headaches here and there.  But, I do have more energy and focus.  I am able to have more good days.  I will continue to try and eat organic, natural foods, drink the pre-made juices from Costco (they have organic carrot and green juice) and I like oatmeal with honey, peaches and almond slices for breakfast with organic orange juice.  I really have had a lot more energy.  But today I am tired.  Yesterday was a big day...Kevin and I went to the beach with or family and were both baptized together =)  Unfortunately, I got a sunburn and it turned to itchy welts on my arms and chest.  Darn it.  Oh well, I saw this before when my arm got burned in Vegas last month.  I will try to be more careful from now on and pray this passes quickly.
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I don't know why I thought it would be a smooth transition back to normal when getting off the therapy.  Honestly, I guess I forgot about some of the nastiness of what I was dealing with before I started the therapy.  Last night I had never ending diarrhea...I have the best man in the world who would go to the store to get me medicine for it late at night.  I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping (too much or not enough).  I'm really swollen and last night I had one of the worst bouts of my throat swelling nearly shut that I can even remember ever having before.  I was very close to asking Kevin to take me to the emergency room.

Kevin thinks that I should give it a good 2-3 more days before I decide to go back on the Gerson therapy or not.  I can't believe how quickly I returned to how bad things used to be.  There were good reasons why I chose to work hard and do the therapy.  I guess I forgot and part of me was thinking that maybe I was healed enough at this point to be okay without it.  It's so inconvenient and difficult.  It's impossible to do alone.  I really hope that my attorney can get the Workers' Comp Insurance to pay for an assistant to help me...that way I can rest and recover instead of trying to get by and not really resting (which is what you need to do for your body to heal).

I'm disappointed.
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For the last 3 nights I keep getting the worst gastrointestinal issues: tummy cramping, diarrhea and just feeling like I want to vomit and yucky.  It occurred to me in the middle of the night that perhaps it has to do more with the antibiotics than me ending the Gerson Therapy.  I've been having a lot of trouble with the medication and feeling better.  I have a bad sinus infection and the mailing pharmacy morons who just can't seem to get my medication refilled.  So, now it takes weeks to get antibiotics, then weeks to figure out that the dr gave me another prescription ti extend it and now it takes weeks to refill.  Last time I checked, you just can't take antibiotics in a start/stop fashion.  Perhaps that is why this medication is not working at all!

Well, the day is going.  I managed to go to the bank and then go walk around Hobby Lobby.  I only bought the stickers for the chocolates (wedding refreshments).  So that was good.  Before I left, after I wrote the above paragraph, I emailed my Dr. Samantha to let her know what was going on and to ask if it was okay to continue taking the same antibiotics in this start/stop fashion.  She wrote back and said that I need to go see an ENT because the antibiotics are top of the line and the infection should have cleared by now.  That was disappointing to say the least.  I feel like she misunderstood but that I should take a few minutes and think about what I was going to say, if anything.  In the meanwhile, I called my attorney and his paralegal said she was busy and to call her back after 2 (I really hope that she's still there when I do call) but that she got some reports in...so, maybe she has all the final reports that she needs for me to go to court and request the Worker's Comp Insurance be forced to allow me to see the ENT, which is what I need and have been waiting so long for.

Praying.
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Waking up with a bloody nose...not awesome.  I did have some energy to run a few light errands this morning but made my way back to bed.  Tired, headaches, sinus pain and a little dizzy.
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Not really much improvement.  I have more energy as I've been off the gerson therapy, but my sinuses and throat keep swelling, my face and neck are swelling, my whole body is swelling....up and down and it doesn't seem to matter what I consume or not.  It just is.  My sinuses are terribly irritated and infected with a lot of blood.  I did finally get my antibiotics, but I've decided not to start it just yet.  I'm going to wait until I can get the second refill and then take them back to back and finally get rid of this darn infection once and for all.  Something has to work.

I did manage a little break from the stress and chaos of my mom.  She is beginning to settle and I don't feel so anxious or upset.  It's nice. Now I'm feeling refreshed and I think she can lean on me a little bit, but I think I need to be more mindful and keep up my boundaries.

I also have an appointment tomorrow afternoon at the PEACE center at church to apply for MSI.  I am hoping that I am able to get covered, find decent doctors, receive decent medical care and maybe, just maybe I can get some real care and have this sinus/mold business resolved.  That would be great!  I kind of think that the ENT won't see or treat me about that since it's work related and pre-existing.  I can only pray and try my best.  I should be able to see a dentist which is good cuz I have at least two teeth that I fear are in need of attention.  I've never had anything more than a cavity and getting a filling, but I've never had any pain or pressure.  Also, my hair is growing really fast lately and I'm concerned my hormones are likely thrown off, probably from the drastic changes of being on/off/on/off of the Gerson Therapy.  In any case, I need to be sure I'm stable and I think I may need to get back on the metformin to help regulate blood sugars and hormones back to normal...I hope that does it because its never gone well to get on birth control pills.  Those just seem to always make things much worse.

I'm also taking a break from the wedding collecting stuff. Ok, that's not true but Kevin helped me move it all down to the garage.  So now it's not up in the living room taking up space and staring at me begging to be addressed...making me feel guilty that I haven't put it together, organized it, stored it, wrapped it, made a sign for it, etc.

Last night I finally was able to get around to practicing making the bouquets we need.  It turned out so great!  It cost me $19 in calla lilies (which should be cheaper in the winter when they are in season locally), approximately $15 in ribbon and pins and some effort.  They look amazing and it was enough to make my bouquet with more flowers than the florist was offering, and I don't need to buy any more ribbon or pins for the final bouquets.  I think I may even have enough to make the toss bouquet.  And for all of this, the practices and the real bouquets, I think it all costs me about $50.  The florist was going to charge me $125 for my bouquet, $75 for Christine's bouquet and then extra for the mother's corsages (about $30 each).  While I don't think I can make the mother's corsages, I would like to go to Ralph's and have them make them for about $18 each.  Do I know how to save a buck or what?  Trust me, every dollar counts and they add up so fast!
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Blah. Finally on my antibiotics but I'm not feeling that much better.  I have been on it for 4 days now, I think and I have the last refill, so another 9 or 10 days of antibiotics and I so hope that it gets from of this infection.  My face hurts, has a lot of pressure and my sinuses are still bleeding.  At least today I seem to have better hand-eye coordination as my spelling isn't all jumbled while typing this up like it was for a good chunk of time.  Hard to time without getting frustrated and quitting when what you mean to type if full of errors with the correct letters in the wrong order.  Anyway, I have had a little but more energy.  This weekend I mustered up enough to organize the kitchen and laundry/utility rooms and then with Kevin's help I got the garage organized.  Don't get me wrong, I went through nothing.  I packed repetitive unused items and pushed it all neatly against the wall (or up in the rafters)...well, Kevin did all the heavy, hard stuff.  I'm so grateful I have him as my support.  I would get by without him, but it surely wouldn't be as pleasant or complete.

Now I'm getting some rest before I get started on some laundry.  I really need to get the bedding all washed, remade and then wash the delicates (mostly cuz Kevin has to go to work tomorrow and I'm sure he would appreciate some clean clothes to wear).  I'm not gonna work on wedding stuff for a few more days.
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All is well.  Well, it's just the same but I'm trying my best to have a better attitude and get on with my life.  I'm trying to think as clearly as possible so I can make good, helpful decisions in regards to my health.  IE: I feel like crap and sometimes it's hard to narrow down what is causing a majority of the issues at the moment, like what kind of headache and how to treat it.  Excedrin and humidifier are the current course of action...while I wait for the medication to start doing what it is supposed to do.  (LOL)

Anyway, I'm super excited because Kevin is coming home for lunch (which I love but is usual) and then he will get to work from home after lunch.  I love this!  I know I have to be mindful not to bug him too much, but I love when he is around =)  I'm about to get our last load of laundry going (bedding) and it will be so awesome that he can help me put it back on.  Imagine having a King size bed...you would need a team to make the bed!  Whew, good thin we have only a Queen size.  It's manageable and although I could do it on my own, it's faster and easier to do it together.

I think I might want to go to the pool today and get a little light swimming in.  Otherwise, I don't have too much else going on.  I do need to work on wrapping the napkin around the utensils with the ribbon for the wedding, but that's really all for the day.  It should be a good day, but borderline boring.  I need this sinus infection gone cuz I'm getting so bored.  Maybe that's a good sign.  Maybe that means I will be ready to return to school immediately following our wedding in January.  I would like that.  It would be hard when I have some down days when I'm sick, but it would be productive and I don't have that many classes left to take before earning my degree.  That would be so nice to accomplish that goal and maybe even begin my Master's degree in education.

That's the update for now. I hope you have a great day.  Apparently today, October 1st, is a very big day as the US Government has shut itself down due to the budgetary issues (moronic elected officials who don't work well together, aren't good with budgets and waste time making unethical deals instead of doing the job their constituents elected them to do...if it were any other job they all would have been fired) and Obamacare starts.  I don't know much about it other than I need health care or else I will be fined.  I have no money, so I guess it will be free...sounds fine for now, but long term when I'm not always broke and collecting my pension (vs. working) I will not be happy that my hard earned taxes are being wasted this way.  I'm not really thrilled about this mandatory health care.  Hopefully it will improve things for Americans and the problems that come up will be corrected.  Unfortunately, our elected officials can hardly pass laws in a timely manner to make simply decisions.  So I don't have high hopes unless it's to increase the taxes and burden on the American people.
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For sure the antibiotics is working.  Hallelujah!  Finally something of a positive turn around.  It's been a while.  I have energy, I have improved focus more often, my face doesn't hurt and the headaches are doable.  I have so much energy, I am hardly sleeping.  Crap.  This has happened before.  I'm hoping that maybe I just don't need the sleep...doesn't feel like I'm missing it.  I tried a new essential oil of Clove in my humidifier today along with the tea tree.  So nice!  I actually like the smell and notice it more than I thought I would.

I felt so good that I have been back to cooking and cleaning and planning of the wedding.  I ordered some goodies for the dancing and photo booth...it's gonna be too fun!  I also was watching Food Network after lunch when Kevin went off to work.  And this guy who calls himself the Sandwich King made homemade pretzel buns with hot dogs, cheese sauce and bacon bits.  Kevin loves pretzels...no, I mean he LOVES pretzels!!  I had to give it a whirl.  I ran over to Walmart for some sausages to grill and the stuff for the cheese sauce.  I spent $20 but bought more than enough for the dinner tonight for us and his parents, have leftovers and even some I never cooked for another day.  I also made cauliflower, chicken caesar salad and caramelized onions with mushrooms,  It was a busy, fulfilling, yummy afternoon.

I also took my GNLD vitamins today.  I think this is my third pack in about 5 days.  I don't know if the energy if from those or caused from whatever caused it before I began the Gerson treatment.  I think this is doable.  We will see.  I'm trying to stress out about it.  I'm going to use it to my advantage and go dumpster diving tomorrow night with my mom.

A part of my brain, near my left eye just behind feels a little tired.  I really don't know what that means cuz my body feels like it could go and go and go and go some more.  I even went into the hot tub tonight, twice.  It was really quite nice.

Well, I am going to stop this for now.  My feet are still sore, actually, this is different from before as they seem to stiffen up the more I am off of them.  They hurt so so bad when I first start walking but after a bit it mostly calms down.  Still is sore, but tolerable after maybe 10-20 minutes of walking around on them.  It's weird and I don't know why.  I will keep an eye on it and see if I can notice anything that may be causing it.

Have a great evening!
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Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month SEVEN

Month 7: AUGUST 2013

Since April I've not really been able to follow the therapy as I'm supposed to.  Instead, I did the best I could to do the therapy and treatments as best I was able, often times only doing a few coffee enemas a day during the work week and skipping weekends, cutting way back on the supplements and not really doing the juicing or diet.  Yesterday was my first day back and I would say it went well but by the end of the day I was so exhausted I was dropping things (including half the bottle of potassium water on the kitchen floor).  I slept like a baby, dismissed my alarm this morning and just slept in until 7:30 A.M. instead of waking up at 6 or 6:30 A.M.  I really needed it.  In addition to getting back on track, I still have a sinus infection that now includes a cough...so I'm taking antibiotics (not the anti-fungal kind cuz it was too expensive...I've been taking Levoquin for nearly 3 weeks and have another week left, though its not doing anything really), Robitussin cough syrup to stop the coughing when I'm trying to rest, colloidal silver spray, a mountain of supplements for the therapy and CLA (a new addition that is supposed to help build muscle strength and rid the body of excess fat).  I heard about CLA on Dr. Oz a couple of weeks ago.  I know it sounds silly.  Yes, I would like to lose this extra weight.  But, if the cells rid the body of fat, then if the mold is stuck in there with it and my body is hanging onto the mold or whatever, perhaps this CLA will help my body to rid itself of mold along with the excess fat.  That would be rad.

In the meanwhile, I am waiting as patiently as possible for my attorney, Dr. Roberto Bohm, and his staff to gather all the information and reports they need to go to court.  As far as I know, we are only waiting for one last report...this one keeps getting extended, or so I've been told several times, they keep requesting more information.  Once this is all gathered, then I get to meet with Dr. Bohm and get more information about what to expect from this point forward.  As far as I can tell, I think we are supposed to go to court and the judge will determine if the worker's comp insurance company will have to allow me to see a neurologist and ENT/Surgeon to help me to remedy these issues and get better and then back to having a life without these problems.  I really don't know why it has taken so long to get to this point.  Dr. Barri and his staff are really getting tired of taking care of me without progressing towards an end...I completely understand.  While they are offering their assistance and medication on credit, I'm the one who is suffering day in and day out.  I'm really quite tired of doing nothing.  I have done all that I can to get better, make myself more comfortable.  Nothing really works too well.  The Gerson Therapy is good, but I think I need to get that crap out of my system (sinus scrapping to get the cysts out at least) and then the therapy can really help me with the healing.  I'm just barely scraping by many days.  I am not sure if doing the therapy gives me hope and is a psychological improvement at this point or if it has helped me to deal with this as it should...but at least I'm trying to do something to help improve my situation.  Taking strong pain killers and watching tv alone all day long won't help me get better...so even though it costs me a great deal of money and time and energy, the Gerson Therapy is certainly worth it.

Okay, well, I'm done with this update.  I have a family meeting tonight to help with the wedding stuff and I need to work on my therapy, unpacking a few more boxes, packing the luggage for our trip to Las Vegas and get some rest....probably therapy and rest will be all I get done until tonight.  I also need to go make breakfast and I think I want to go back to sleep.  Quite the pickle.

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I'M EXHAUSTED.  Doing this therapy on my own is too much.  No real changes.  Headahces, dizziness and a nice sinus infection.  Awesome.  I'm hoping going out to the desert (nice and dry and crazy hot) will be a nice restful trip...I'm not really doing any therapy while I'm gone.  I will use those 4 days to eat as well as possible, drink some juice without the supplements, and I will take my vitamins and supplements.

I'm tired and I have a zillion things to do.  All I can say, thank goodness I don't have children because I'm sure I'm neglecting my poor doggy since I'm barely able to take care of myself and this household.
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My feet are killing me!!!!
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This is all very hard.  I feel like I barely manage and it helps that I'm doing something and being pro-active about my situation and health.  I really need more help than I am able to manage on my own, but I can't afford it.  Now even my mom doesn't support my choice to do the Gerson Therapy.  I think she would feel differently if she (A) learned more about the therapy and (B) felt how I felt.  This sucks.  I feel like I want to cry.  I know I'm not alone because my fiance supports me.  I don't feel good.
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I haven't been feeling very good and this sinus infection just doesn't want to go away.  I finished up two rounds of antibiotics and it didn't go away.  I had to request an additional refill from my doctor, who is amazing.  But I had to wait days until she was in the office to ask her because her office staff told me I had to go in to see her the following Monday.  So now I am waiting for the delivery of my medication.  Face hurts, got super dizzy and nauseous today.  Of course, the day I have the worst vertigo is the same day I get two people coming to my door (none of which are to install the microwave I'm not supposed to have on my therapy or the medication I'm waiting for).

The wedding planning is crazy out of control.  We are thinking of just eloping.  I know it would make everyone happy for us to have a nice wedding and grand reception, but it's so expensive and getting to be too much.  I think it's time we either elope or go tot he courthouse...is that the same thing?

I'm tired and all I want to do is just go to bed.  Well, technically I really didn't leave bed today.  But I'm going to lay down and try not to think about the wedding plans for a while.
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This just might be the worst day in a really long time.  I guess I should be grateful that it's not extra crappy just because of the therapy or my sinus infection (which recently got so bad while waiting for my medication that I got a really gnarly nose bleed).

My love and I are not getting along well.  It breaks my heart.  I lost nearly a whole night's sleep.  I cried a lot.  We're finally talking but it's really not going that well.
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Going on a boat ride to Catalina for the night and then back...not a good idea.  We got home last night and I'm still rocking.  I didn't do any therapy or treatments.  I thought I would be okay but I really felt pretty crummy.  I think the regular yuckies with motion sickness on top of that is not really a good thing.  I'm not sure I want to do that for a while.  It was nice spending time with Kevin's family, but honestly I think I need more space and a little more personal quiet time.  I don't think those needs will go away as I'm a little claustrophobic and I prefer some quiet/alone time...just part of my personality, I guess.

Well, it was a fun adventure anyway.  I tried something new.  I also jumped into the cold water which was a nice treat after being stuck on the boat for 4 hours to get to Catalina.  I actually wanted to stay a little longer but Christine thinks that staying in more than a few minutes would lower my body temperature too much and I would be shivering for hours after I got out.  She may be right.  LOL  I just was enjoying the nice cool breeze.  Its been humid and hot lately at home.  This part of summer is not my favorite.

This morning I began my therapy and treatments again.  I'm still feeling the rocking from the boat, but I managed to get in an enema, supplements, OJ, oatmeal with peaches and honey and some water.  After all of that I managed to clean the toilet, rest for a moment and take a shower.  Shutting my eyes in the shower was dangerous business, but I managed not to fall over.  Whew!

Today my goals are to stick to my treatments/therapies, pot the new plants on the patio, clean my room, finish the laundry I started before we went to Catalina, cook the salmon before it goes bad.  Oh yeah, we really need to wash the car.  While we were gone a bunch of birds pooped on my car...the other cars in the entire parking lot looked clean, so clean...but now my clean car is covered in bird poop.  I wonder how a bird or pack of birds select a spot to go on.  LOL  So crazy.
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Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month SIX

Month Six: July 2013

I can't believe it's already been 6 months of this therapy.  I'm having a hard time.  The outside forces which I cannot control are weighing heavily upon me and my ability to recover and focus on the therapy to help me with my recovery.  Dang.  I'm disappointed but I haven't given up yet.

For now, I'm trying some premade juiced from Naked that I found at Costco...the green one and the orange one along with presqueezed OJ in the morning.  I'm still doing the coffee enemas, about 3 per day seem to really work for me (skipping the weekends which don't really work well for me at all).

I've regained a bunch of my weight, mostly because I haven't been very diligent about sticking with the diet plan.  Heck, I haven't even stuck to the way less strict PCOS diet plan of low carbs and limited sugar.  I've been going all out...slurpees galore, chips, chocolate, processed foods, pizzas and pastas.  So over processed and so high in simple sugars and carbs.  Not good.  I guess the only upsides are that I've been enjoying my food and it hasn't increased the intensity or frequency of my headaches.

Starting today, Kevin and I are getting things back in order...we are trying to make better choices for food, stop wasting money (if we don't have the cash, no charging unless it's an emergency) and we're going to be working out more.  So, I signed up for my free 3-day trial at 24 Hr Fitness.  I did make turkey bacon, scrambled eggs and biscuits for breakfast but I did cut out 2/3rds of the egg yolks and it was turkey bacon.  I've also been good and had my OJ and 3 glasses of juice already for the day.  I think I'm behind schedule on that but I'm trying to keep up, I promise.  I've also had some dehydrated cinnamon apple rings and honey/vanilla greek yogurt with banana slices in it.  I'm really hungry right now and I'm just not sure what I want to eat, but I will go out and have a look in a minute or two...maybe I'll make a BLT on rye bread.  That should help me get my head and stomach back in order.  I also am making some beans, so Kevin and I will have something yummy to eat tonight that is high in protein and tastes good (and it's hella cheap!) after our workout tonight.

I  hope that I have enough energy to make a decent sandwich and clean up afterwards...well, I'm off to work on that.  I'm near death (not really, but so hungry at this point).
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The gym never happened.  We went on one nice walk on the trail near the apartment, which was really nice and we went about a mile and a half, but didn't go again.  I haven't felt very good and finally my cycle began.  It was particularly challenging this month and I was a little concerned that maybe it wouldn't come this month.  It did and it hates me...as much as I hate it.  Yesterday my headaches were so bad that I ended up taking 10-12 Excedrin and it never actually worked.  I don't know why it didn't work and why my head kept hurting.  It was annoying but I managed through it.  Fortunately, I had a good calm day yesterday without anything I had to do or any place I had to be.

I'm really so tired of all of this already.  I don't even know what to expect and I'm wanting to make plans and then feel like a big failure when I can't do the simplest things, like dress shopping.  I mean, really.  Who can't go dress shopping without having to cancel after 45 minutes and come home early.  What a bust.
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Mid month proves more of the same.  I'm hoping to see Samantha regarding this current sinus infection this coming Wednesday afternoon.  I've been wondering...is this the 4th serious infection in the last few months?  or is this the same one that just isn't going away?  Normally you should feel well before you finish the antibiotics.  I haven't at all...in fact, I often am worried that I need more antibiotics at the end of the round but don't always have the warewithall to deal with the Dr's office manager.  Something to think about.

In the meanwhile, I'm determined to try and have a life as best I can without this whole illness (whatever it all is called) becoming my whole entire life.  I'm trying to focus on having a life...relationships with family, friends, Kevin, God and trying to figure out what my new purpose is.

Most of the time, to be honest, I really just try to get by.  But on those few moments that are good (and there are more of these moments than there used to be and I"m so grateful for), I really want to do more than survive.  I want to enjoy, be productive, feel normal.

Kevin is seriously considering going to school.  Talking with him about the various options and choices has made me really miss school even more than before.  I'm so close to getting my degree.  But thinking back not too far, it just takes one sinus infection, one migraine, one bout of stress causing days of headaches that would easily cause failure...which would do the exact opposite of what my goals of returning to school would be.

Dang.

For now, I am focusing on moving in with Kevin and getting married.  I want to be prepared for the wedding and to be a good wife.  Kevin seems okay with it, but it bothers me and makes me kind of sad to think that I can only be as good of a wife as I can be, not as good as I want to be.  I don't know if/when I will be returning to work.  I feel like if I did, then it would take some of the pressure off of Kevin and he might be more courageous to find a position that he would enjoy going to.  Maybe he would have the confidence to stand up for himself and find a path in which he could be appreciated and use his skills and interests.  All I can do is my best.  Maybe I would feel better if I didn't have my "former self" to compare.

I need to go get some food prepared for the day and organize my supplements for the week.
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Okay, so I went to see Samantha yesterday.  It was pretty good.  We discussed that I'm unsure if the sinus infection keeps coming back or that it really never got better and that's why it's been extra nasty and frequent lately.  We came to the conclusion to try a new antibiotic that is for fungal infections since I was exposed to mold in the air.  Sounds great!  I'm excited to have a new thing to try and she's hoping it may take 2 or 3 rounds of this 20-day prescription, but that will get me through until I can get the surgery and move on.  Problem found when trying to fill the prescription, it's over $500 per 20-day round!  Holy crap!!!!  And that was at Costco.  I'm waiting to hear back from her to see if their pharmacy can mail it to me or maybe there is another prescription I can try.  I simply cannot come up with that kind of money.  That's crazy.
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I AM SO TIRED.  The sinus pain (face and headaches, etc) isn't too bad, it's tolerable...kind of like a low, constant pain that wears you out.  Samantha is not in the office until tomorrow and her last day was when I met with her last week...so, now I'm at nearly 3 weeks of trying to get some medication to deal with this.  My sinuses have started to bleed and become more irritated.  I'm really praying that I make it until I can get the antibiotics that I need...I just don't want to go to the ER again.

Otherwise, I'm trying to focus on other things.  More productive things.  This week I have found my wedding dress, veil, some reception decorations and scheduled the pre-marital counseling interview at church.  I also have been preparing to take the CLEP exams for both Sociology and English Comp.  Honestly, I bought the study guides and downloaded them...but I really haven't been able to focus enough to study them yet.  I've also been working on the upcoming move.  Got the lease signed, signed up for electricity and took care the auto & renter's insurance.  I also booked and paid for the movers.  I still need to sign up for gas & cable/internet and then take the paperwork and money orders to the office for the security deposit and first month's rent.

I've been trying to be productive while also resting.  A lot of the wedding stuff is online and just browsing and gathering ideas so that hasn't been too much in the way of energy usage (although going to LA to shop was very draining).  This next week I won't be able to rest much since we have a 2 1/2 hour interview at church, then moving, then doing Class 101 at church for 4 1/2 hours...I have a feeling my tailbone is going to hurt far more than it already does.  I wonder if I could sit on two foam cushions at a time.  HMMMM....
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Yup, sinus infection.  I am hoping the antibiotics get here soon.  The pinch in my throat has turned into all night coughing and I am a bit concerned that the pressure in my ears will soon turn into a painful experience.  It's gonna happen, just gotta pray it happens soon.

My backside is having a very hard time.  I have had 4-5 weird sores that are under the skin in the crack area, now it seems a rash has formed....not just it itches at night before I fall asleep, but like a crazy, I just can't stop scratching it all back there, full blown rash.  Dang it.  I really don't know.  I think I will try some hydrogen peroxide and see if that helps at all...if not, I will also try some neosporin to hopefully at least help it from spreading and maybe clear up whatever is causing the rash.  Nasty and uncomfortable.

That's it for now.  I really haven't been doing anything but surviving. I know I need to pack, but I really haven't begun.  I'm just tired and need my rest right now.
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Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month FIVE

Month Five: June 2013

It's already the 11th.  It's been a bit tough but I see it calming already.  The infection flew out of control at the end of last month and then I had a nightmare to deal with (ie: the Office Manager from Near Hell).  Got that straightened out and finally got the antibiotics I needed.  I still feel as though the infection is still around, but I want to give it a little more time to hopeful get back under control before calling the dr's office again.  Under normal circumstances it would be no problem, but I hate dealing with them.  It's stressful to deal with it and I guess I would rather suffer a little bit.  Besides, there is a chance it will continue to get better even though I've been having gnarly headaches. sinuses that are swelling shut, congestion, etc.

Anyway, this weekend I finally moved.  I really thought about this and planned it out as best I could so it would go well.  I got to move in Saturday, so Kevin and I brought the bare essentials. I hired movers to bring the rest of the big boxes and stuff yesterday morning and then spent all morning unpacking.  I still have 11 boxes to unpack and a bunch of organizing and some shopping to do, but overall I think it's going well.

Today is the first day back on the Gerson Therapy.  I already made and ate my breakfast (organic oatmeal with honey and sunflower seeds and a fresh cup of orange juice with potassium).  I took my first set of supplements (or sups as Kevin likes to call them...makes me laugh cuz its so cute) and I'm doing a coffee enema as I type.

I'm still having the same issues.  But, I feel I have had a better attitude lately.  I'm going to really try to do my best to keep a good attitude, be loving and show more grace to others.
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So far, so good.  It took a bit to settle in and I really don't have it all unpacked.  But the dog is calm and getting along well with the other dogs, I've found or organized most of my essentials, have all the food I need for the week =)

I didn't really have this problem before, but I'm apparently quite allergic to cigarette smoke.  My new roommate smokes.  We've worked it out so that she closes my bedroom door when she's on the patio smoking (which seems like all the time).  A little comes in, I can smell it a bit.  But when it doesn't get closed, my sinuses and throat swell shut very quickly.  It's a rather unpleasant way to wake up in the morning (or middle of the night, which keeps happening).

With her sister visiting (including her husband and 4 of their 6 dogs) it's been a bit overwhelming.  So, today Kevin is taking me to his house at lunch and Bailey, Kevin and I will be spending the night at his house...maybe for two nights, I'm going to play that by ear.  The only downfall to this plan is that I can't do any therapy this afternoon...a price to pay.

Well, off to sort my supplements for the week and then get started on my treatment.  Using a brand new enema bucket and attachments today.  Yea!  (Don't laugh.  It's the small blessings that help me get by!)
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This is almost too much.  I'm grateful the Lord is in control and I have Kevin to lean on for additional support.  I'm preparing to move once again.  Kevin, Christine and I have decided to move in together and, in fact, will be renting a 2 bedroom apartment in this same complex.  The plan was to move August 1st but then when I told my roommate she went a little crazy about the situation.  Currently I'm trying to find a replacement to replace me on the lease...I have had several interests and have a good number of decent potentials.  Janet isn't really excited about it and is bothered that they are emailing me and not calling her.  I don't thinks he understands that people who look online for stuff generally like the convenience of email versus taking the time to make a phone call.  Anyhow, I have made a couple of appointments...two today and one tomorrow (that one isn't confirmed just yet).

In the meanwhile, now I need to repack, find a replacement, do the best I can with my therapy during the day and stay at Kevin's during the evenings and weekends.  When I do find my replacement, I need to schedule and pay for moving pods and storage (Door to Door was the best priced).  Then I will load up and basically go back to the way it was before I moved in...bounce homelessly between my mom's apartment and drama and Kevin's parent's home.  It's kind of a toss up as to which is worse...staying until August 1st or going homeless for a few weeks.  I'm hoping to spend as little time at my mom's as possible.  I love her but her drama really stresses me to the max.
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Well, the end of the month is here.  For the most part, all is just about the same.  I am trying harder to get out more, walk more, sit up more, drive more, live more.  I'm still having some gnarly headaches.  I have headaches pretty much all day every day.  I've been able to take Excedrin for most of those headaches.  I have had a few major incidents of major headaches (migraine style) and that requires more.  So far, I've survived.  I've survived and that's what is important.

Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month FOUR

Month Four: May 2013

Wow, last month was rough.  Unfortunately, this month is going to be slightly more difficult.  While I feel a bit stronger and am able to marginally take better care of myself, I find that my mental awareness is much better and I have been noticing things that are just unacceptable and cannot go without my attention and action.  The way I have been treated and manipulated during my life's weakest moments is quite unacceptable.  To discover that someone you trusted and relied upon to help you through has really been manipulating your thoughts and using you to their advantage is appalling.  I find that I am ashamed that I trusted this person to do the right thing simply because I needed help and wanted to believe they would be there for me when I know better based upon a lifetime of the same treatment.  As my head has cleared up, I can see what is really going on around me with fresh eyes.  I have to now move back out on my own and cut the cord, yet again.  Last month was the toughest month of all the past two years because I am acutely aware of what is going on around me and I'm too strong of a woman to sit back and continue to let this happen as I believe it's hurting me...my psyche, my health and potentially other relationships in my life.  Tragic.

What hurt me the most about HP was that they took advantage of those who were unable to stand up for themselves.  This has been my biggest motivator to suing the school, to be the voice of those who've been hurt and cannot stand up for themselves due to their socio-economic and/or residential status.  And here I am, waking up to find I let myself get into this same situation.  I am standing up now for myself.  I know it will be a struggle.  However, the struggles of doing this on my own far out weigh blindly relying upon someone I thought I could lean on for support.

April was a big month for me...I started to really see what was going on and what I was doing.  I clearly was hoping things were different than they were.  I wanted to believe this person was different than they are.  Of all the lessons I have learned this month, accepting what/who things/people really are and not what I want them to be is truly a key lesson in life.  Glad I learned it and I hope it's a lesson that finally sticks.

Anyway, enough about this crazy business.  Let us look upon the good stuff and rejoice what the Lord has given.  I have some fabulous friends and an absolutely amazing boyfriend and his wonderful family.  I'm alive and more grateful than ever to have what little health I still do have.  I can think straight more often than not.  I have a loving dog who is precious and loves me no matter what.  I have enough money to take care of most of my basic needs.  While I often feel homeless, I have safe, warm places to lay my head at night to rest. I still have the Gerson Therapy and it does work.  I see more of myself every day...I'm still loving and caring, but I am a strong, resourceful woman who can take care of business when I must.  God has truly blessed me.

This month my goals are to stick with the supplements, make better food choices when I'm out and be a bit cleaner.  I don't always bathe myself as much as I should and I don't think that's helping...mentally or physically.  Maybe just admitting that last one will be the embarrassing fire under my butt that I needed.  Whoops!  I have all the excuses in the world, but if I want this all to work I need to stop making excuses and muster up whatever energy and strength I need to "just do it"!

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I don't know how I forgot this, but I have noticed a major change in my health and it's really weird.  I truly have no explanation for this but my arms and legs have been tingling and going numb regularly...not just during certain times of the day or during certain positions or activities.  I really am clueless and since it comes and goes I forgot about it for the most part.  Its been going on for a while but I guess I never really noticed it as a potential issue until the last couple of weeks.  I really need to look into this.  Since I have no idea if this is related or not to the whole mold issue at work, I don't think I can go see Dr, Barri for it.
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I don't feel good.  Rough week of feeling like crap.  Then, got a cold and now that's a bit rough.  Kevin has a cold too...we both are dealing with sore throats.  Crud.
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 A new week.  Whew.  Well, I did my best to do my therapy and I think it went well.  I have a bad headache tonight but am so proud of myself.  Imagine what I can accomplish in my future home without stress.  I can hardly wait.
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Sometimes things go your way, sometimes they don't.  I'm mature enough now to accept this as a major part of life...I have control only upon my reactions.

My weird tingly, numbness, arms going to sleep business has only been getting worse.  So, naturally I went to the doctor to let them know about this major development.  I went to the wrong doctor.  Now I have to go back in a week, oh joy.  Anyway, while I was there I didn't want to feel like I had wasted my time, so I discussed the fact that I didn't really feel like the tramadol was helpful in actually ridding the headaches, but more of making me not care that I had a headache and then kind of zoned out of life.  I was given Topomax to try...big mistake.  I was so dizzy, up all night (after a solid 2 hours of sleep) and was loo-loo all day.  Thankfully I had my treatments to occupy my time and a bunch of nothing else to do today.  It's mostly worn off, but I don't think I will be making that mistake again.
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Important note...Gerson Therapy is pretty good about noting not to go around people who are ill to avoid getting sick.  I got a cold, and it wasn't too bad.  I managed to get through it and then just as I was on the backside of the cold one of the gnarliest sinus infections I've had in a long while snuck up in it's place.  What a mess.  I'm back on meds.  I've been taking Tylenol PM, Benadryl, Tramadol, colloidial silver, sinus rinse, garlic oil in the ears and enough cough drops, popsicles and lemon/lime soda to feed a small village in Africa.

Well, that's about it for the update.  Resting and trying to recover.  I'm not home so I won't really be doing juicing or the treatments until Monday...just supplements and trying not to eat too badly.

I don't know where I got sick from, but it happens.  I really should be far more careful.
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I am SO glad that I finally broke down and took the medication.  I finally slept, and really well at that.  I think I got about 10 hours of sleep last night, then went to breakfast and came back and slept another few hours.  Went for lunch and could literally fall back asleep...but I'm trying to stay up just a little bit so I can be sure to sleep tonight.

I'm going to talk with my future roommate and see if it's still an option to move in early.  Mom got a new roommate and apparently he's moving in today...way last minute.  She showed him the room yesterday.  I hope this isn't another one of her desperate for a roommate so I picked anybody kind of decisions.  Although, I really fear that it is.  Anyhow.  Now that I have to unload the fridge of my food, which I just bought for the entire week, I will do my best to make as many green bags as possible for this week but I foresee that my therapy will be suffering greatly between now and whenever it is that I do finally move...and if I can lessen that time then it may mean I am back on track even sooner.

The other option is to just pack and survive until I move.  This would allow me to save some money and really it's just one more week...a total of 33 days until moving day anyway.

My biggest hindrance to moving early is simply the money aspect.  I have enough money for the rest of the month for food, gas, June prorated rent and a few small incidentals.  I think I could manage if I had to pay an extra week or two of rent, but it would be a bit tighter than I had planned.  I need to think about this.  Until then, I will wait to send my prorated rent check a few extra days so I can think about this and make a decision.
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Dang, I haven't been doing so hot.  Just when I thought I was gonna kick that cold it turned into a gnarly sinus infection....which I'm still dealing with.

Today I went to my appointment with Dr. Barri and met with Dr. Hunter.  She's referring me to the neurologist for the numbness and tingling in my arms and legs, which I already know is going to be denied but I figured it would be best to get it documented.  Besides, maybe she had an idea about what could be causing it that I hadn't thought of yet.

The Office Manager, Kimya, proceeded to tell me I couldn't come in to see Samantha for medications or see Dr. Barri anymore even though Dr. Barri told me exactly that.  Such a weird conversation...I was medicated and out to lunch cuz I took benadryl for a major case of the itchies that morning.  I emailed Dr. Barri and he said he would take care of it.  I also called Dr. Gilberg's office and was told he sent his final report in November...so I had it refaxed over to Mr. Bohm's office and will call Monday to confirm it's receipt and to make an appointment to meet with my attorney and find out what to expect and what I need to do.

I have about 3 weeks until I move.  So I mostly just do what I can to get by, especially since this partial treatment doesn't really help me too much and I have noticed a serious decline in my overall health, headaches and the increased use of more medication.  Honestly, it would just be easier to take the medication, but I truly would like to be lucid and more functional for Kevin.  I don't want him to see me drooling on myself or not able to walk my dog.  I love him and I want to be with him, not a burden to him.  Also, it feels so great on those good days...it's unbelievable how good I feel on those good days, even though if I compared them to non-sick good days they would be kind of crummy, but compared to the last couple of years its amazing.  I love those days and hope I have more this week as well.

Well, I think things are finally wrapping up.  Okay, they aren't.  But I do see that I am more accepting and comfortable with the insanity of dealing with Worker's Comp stuff.  I can pay my bills and buy myself food.  Soon I will be moving and will be able to calmly work on my rest and healing without the constant stress of walking on eggshells.  I think things are doing okay.
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The week started out pretty well.  I got home after taking the weekend mostly off (took supps, did 1 enema each day and didn't eat too badly).  Felt pretty good and decided to continue with the trend this week.  First two days were pretty darn good.  Fell off on the 3rd day and today I feel like crap and had to deal with a mild migraine all day.  That was terrible.  It's one thing to stay home and have a chill day because you want to, quite another to to have to do it because you feel crummy.

I stayed at Kevin's all day and rested with Bailey.  It was nice because my mom didn't stop in, turn on all the lights and insist on talking endlessly until her break was over.  I often just need long periods of time alone and I really got that today.  So in that regard, it was quite nice.  Not bad for a day of crummy head pain and light sensitivity.  Heck, I even got a few spurts of energy in which I spend wisely cleaning in the dark.

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I realize that I had 2.5 days of feeling pretty good and that's a major improvement.  I also have been trying to keep a close eye on the swelling and rashes.  I have noticed that when I take the tramadol I do get that horrible rash on my middle finger.  I did get some swelling this week, but not really until I felt crappy...and I don't know if that is related to what I ate or the meds.  Interesting.  It would be a terrible thought that my meds are making me sicker...not unheard of since I often get other side effects from medicine, but I cannot believe I didn't think of it sooner.

Anyway, I got a few days of rest and meds.  Today my head has a lot of pressure, occasional headaches but overall I have about 65% focus and most of my energy.  So, I would say I'm having another great day.  I went shopping with Kevin's sister and this afternoon Kevin and I are going to church.  I'm looking forward to a few productive days this holiday weekend =)
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Snap.  This sinus infection is really coming back and hard.  Fortunately, it's a 3-day holiday weekend.  Note the sarcasm!!!!  My face hurts and everything is crazy loud right now.  I honestly tried getting the antibiotics but there is utter chaos at the doctor's office due to a rude and unprofessional, control-freak office manager named Kimya.  What a bitch.  She was so rude.  Sadly, she seems to think I can wait until Tuesday to hear from her and then they will mail my antibiotics.  I am doing my best right now, but I think this is going to turn in to another nightmarishly expensive trip to the ER.  Dang it.  I cannot afford to go to the ER!
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I basically took the last week off of the Gerson Therapy.  I do think I had more energy, but likely only the energy that was drained from the enemas.  Honestly, I would stay off if I wasn't so constipated and feeling like I gained 15 lbs in a few days.  Today I did the enemas (3 of them anyway) and most of the supplements plus the breakfast I'm supposed to eat and a healthy dinner...lunch was a bit of a bust as I went to Del Taco.  I do feel pretty decent today.  I think I lost 10lbs just from the enemas alone today.  I really think I need to do a Castor Oil treatment, but I just wasn't brave enough today.  Perhaps tomorrow.

I didn't hear from the Office Manager at my Dr's office today.  I'm not really surprised at all but I wanted to give her the benefit of doing what she said she would.  I will be sure to call the office tomorrow morning and see if she has changed her mind yet about allowing me to obtain my prescriptions.  It's such a petty thing for her to use all of her "power" so needlessly.  I need to go through her to get what I need...and she's sure that I know it.  I hope she calms down, but I doubt the email that I sent to Dr. Barri and cc'd her on didn't really help.  I've tried so hard to be nice, accept graciously whatever kindness or professionalism (even when she doesn't actually show it, I pretend she has).  But I have had enough and need some help from Dr. Barri...I feel he is using a hands off approach that just isn't helping.  I really don't know what to do at this point.  I can only pray.

I have gone on more bike rides lately...3 in this past week.  Yesterday's didn't go very well as I had a bit of a spill and am a little bruised.  I look forward to another soon.  Tomorrow Kevin and I don't have time as we are beginning a 7-week workshop at church about identifying and helping children who've been traumatized.  I think this will be great if I return to the classroom, but will be perfect if I hope to one day adopt or foster children.

Well, I'm going to close this tonight by including that Kevin and I have begun morning Bible Study and it's going very well.  I've also began (and reread the few pages I already read) a book about being a more Godly Woman.  It's quite nice and I'm considering starting a blog about that...like a Bible Study journal but available for all interested to read.
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Finally got that prescription problem taken care of.  Tomorrow I pick up my antibiotics from the pharmacy at Costco (takes too much time to get it mailed through the Dr's pharmacy and is under $6 at Costco).

Also, I keep forgetting to mention that I am still having some weird feelings in the bottoms of my feet fairly regularly.  Its not quite as sensitive or sore as it was before, but definitely a sore, kind of dull feeling that is pretty regular.  I mostly feel it in the evenings but when I am resting during the day or sitting anywhere I can notice it.  I hope this isn't a forever feeling.
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Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month THREE

MONTH THREE: April 2013

It's so tough to stick with it.  Then, I feel like crap and remember that I'm not well.  I am much better about taking all of my supplements, but I am only getting in 1 big soup at lunch, oatmeal for breakfast and rarely any salad...and then usually chicken or fish with rice or quinoa (or something similar) for dinner.  I am completing the enemas but have increased the coffee to 5-6 per day and quit the castor oil treatments...those are just too much to handle right now.  I go to the restroom ever couple of hours anyway, so not much is sitting in there waiting to be cleaned out.

I'm moving in about 10 days and I'm stressed out a bit.  Doing my best to pack, donate and discard accordingly.  Time is just sneaking up on me so fast though.

I am hoping that after the move I am able to ween myself off of the caretaker because I really cannot afford her.  It's just getting to be too much and it's stressing me out to have a balance on my credit card again.  Seems no matter what I do that just keeps sneaking back in.  The food costs are the highest of all my bills, but if I can shave off the $800+ per month for the help, then I can feel better about living beyond my means and get back on track.  Also, it would be nice to take care of myself more.  This could potentially go horribly wrong and I may have to rehire someone to come help me out, but it's worth a shot.

I'll keep you posted.
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Today, April 10, 2013, I am now down to 246.5 pounds and I am quite sure I am a tad bloated because my cycle is about to begin (bloating, acne, irritability, etc).  I'm so stoked!  I'm doing my best to make wise choices about the food, take all of the supplements, get plenty of rest and not stress out too much.

I have had issues with not sleeping enough at night lately, but I mostly can rest all day, so I find that it's okay in general.  After the move it will be better as I won't have any travel time to consider between Kevin's house and Mom's apartment.  I guess it's like sharing a bedroom with Kevin and doing the treatment at Mom's.  It's weird, but I think totally manageable.  It shouldn't be too long until I am back to 8 hours a night of sleep regularly and shouldn't have to stay home 1-2 nights a week to play catch up.

As far as the food.  Well, lately I haven't done too great with the consumption part.  I find that I am away from home and am occasionally giving in to my old urges of eating fast food, especially for breakfast when I am away (or traveling home).  Ham & cheese croissants are the worst as they are so yummy and warm and right at the train station....dang it!  I've also had 2 biscuit sandwiches and 1 egg mcmuffin sandwich in the past couple of weeks.  I really am not sick of the oatmeal and fruit with honey (and I even cheat a bit by adding a few raw sunflower seeds on top). I'm just out and about and find I'm hungry and want some junk.  I could avoid it more if I took snacks and wasn't out and about so much, I suppose.

The stress part...well, that's been pretty gnarly.  I'm trying not to stress out but I can't hide from myself or the external stress these days.  This too shall pass and I know everything will calm back down, but I seem to have a very serious and real physical reaction to the external stress lately (internal is doing okay for the most part).  I got the worst cold sore of my life (I get them from stress...same spot every time, but this was huge, painful and just ugly).    I'm doing my best to stay calm, think rationally and pray a lot.  Having a good relationship with the Lord really helps me to remain calm and keep the important things in perspective...I can always lean on Him and trust that He will always take care of me. I wish those around me would remind themselves of this so they could deal with their own stress instead of dumping it on me...but I am never given more than I can handle and none of this has killed me yet, so I guess it's okay.

It occurred to me recently that I said I would include my daily schedule and then never did.  Here's the schedule I try to stick with:

7:00 AM	Wake up (& make coffe on Castor Oil days)
7:05 AM	1) Snack on fruit
	2) M/W/F-On Castor Oil days: drink 2T castor oil & drink 3/4c coffee w/ 1t sugar
7:15 AM	Coffee enema
8:15 AM	1) Eat breakfast, drink OJ (8-12oz); add 4-Lugol's drops & 2tsp-potassium
	2) 2-Acidol/Digestol caps; 1-50mg Niacin; 3-Liver caps; 3-Pancreatin tabs (MORN)
	3) 600mg-CoQ10 <--Split throughout day
9:15 AM	Green juice (12oz); add 2tsp-potassium
10:15 AM	Carrot/Apple juice (8oz); add 2tsp-potassium, 1-50mg Niacin & 3 liver tablets (BLUE AM)
10:30 AM	1) Fruit snack, if needed
	2) Coffee(T/Th/Sa/Su) or Castor Oil enema (M/W/F)
11:00 AM	1) Carrot juice (8oz)
	2) B12 (T/Th/Sa)
	3) Snack on fruit
12:00 PM	Green juice (12-16oz); add 2tsp-potassium
1:00 PM	Eat lunch:
	1) Carrot/Apple juice (8oz); add 4- Lugol's drops & 2tsp-potassium
	2) 2-Acidol/Digestol caps; 1-50mg Niacin; 3-Liver caps; 3-Pancreatin tabs; 1-Flaxseed (NOON)
2:00 PM	Green juice (12-16oz): add 2tsp-potassium
3:00 PM	1) Fruit snack w/ 1-50mg Niacin & 3 liver tablets (BLUE PM)
	2) Coffee enema
3:45 PM	1) Green juice (12-16oz); add 2tsp-potassium
5:00 PM	1) Carrot/Apple juice (8oz); add 2tsp-potassium, take 1-50mg Niacin, 3-Pancreatin tabs & 1-Flaxseed (EVE)
	2) Make coffe concentrate for next day, let cool
6:00 PM	1) Green juice (12-16oz); add 2tsp-potassium
	3) Coffee enema
7:00 PM	Eat dinner:
	1) Carrot juice (8oz); add 2tsp-potassium
	2) 2-Acidol/Digestol caps; 1-50mg Niacin; 3-Liver caps; 3-Pancreatin tabs (BED)
	3) Fruit snack plate

Well, it's not pretty but I have it neatly typed up in a spreadsheet and so it's easy to adjust, format and reprint.
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I've been so over whelmed.  I really wasn't sure what to expect but I didn't think it would feel this bad.  Adding the stress of the move to this whole therapy and living life is almost more than I can handle.  I've been battling off major anxiety attacks and horrible thoughts (like the jerk at the Costco gas line that took FOR-EVER to get in his car and leave when he was done pumping...I kind of wanted to ram his car out of the way so I could move up and pump my gas and go home).  BTW, I didn't.  But it's been a great deal of stress trying to deal with everything and it's all been way too much.  I suspect by this weekend all will be back to right in the world.  Oh, doesn't help much that I'm PMSing like crazy and eating everything in site.  I haven't really gained anything but my head hurts and I did have some bad swelling this morning.

Note to self (and others): While doing therapy, don't take on major tasks.  If it's unavoidable, try to get as much support as possible and really only do the essentials...we have movers, so that's one less thing I have to worry about.

We move the day after tomorrow...which basically means I need to have everything done and ready to move tomorrow night before I go to bed.  Also, tomorrow is my 33rd birthday.  I'm really feeling underwhelmed by the fact that it's my birthday and I think it's because there's just so much stress and drama surrounding everything else that I really can't enjoy it too much.  I'm even finding it to be somewhat stressful planning the bbq lunch for Sunday.  Well, even if it's only Kevin's and my family that make it, that will be nice to see everyone....I should try to let that go a bit and really focus on the essential stuff right now (packing and resting).

I hate to sound like a big downer.  I wonder if this is another one of those depressed moments I read about in the book...like a flareup kind of thing.  I don't know.  I also haven't been eating well.  My dad is greatly concerned about the number of enemas I do daily and thinks if may later hinder my ability to use the restroom without an enema...which I do on my own all the time anyway.  I wish my family was way moer supportive...or at least left me alone a little bit more. The most supportive person around, other than my most amazing boyfriend, if Jessica (and I pay her to come help me).  She helps me cook and clean and make juices.  She talked with me and listens to me about whatever I want to talk about.  I never feel more stressed when she's around.  I guess I'm kind of worried too because after the move she can only come to help me 3 days a week and I'm worried that I'm not really ready to wein myself from her help and take more control over my treatment.

Sometimes a shit storm happens and you just gotta deal.  I guess I'm mostly worries about watching the storm come my way...there's not much I can do, so I suppose I should try to relax and eat this danged elephant one bite at a time.

If any of you are doing this therapy, I really hope you're having a much better week than me.  I feel like an awful crabby pants and I mostly just want to be left alone.  Kevin can come over, but otherwise I want to hole up someplace quiet and not bothered by anyone or their problems for a huge chunk of hours...maybe even a day or two.  But, this is life and that can't happen...so maybe I should give in and just take some pain pills.  It will help me relax and it will be nice to have a break from this gnarly headache.
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Not much to update.  Mostly its the same.  I did have some issues with my feet again, but it was the backs of my heels.  Also, the headaches are back and I'm less than happy.  I no longer have my caretaker to help me, but I will try to do my best on my own.  It's almost May, so that means I have completed most of 3 months already.
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This has been kind of a tough month.  Between therapy, moving, being mostly unsettled all month long and then losing the help of my caregiver I'm surprised I managed as well as I did.  I didn't really lose any weight and the swelling comes and goes, but overall I feel okay.  I still get headaches regularly but the migraines are much less frequent.

Being the first week really on my own, I feel much better than I thought I would.  I am managing to do most of the therapy most of the time.  I can only do my best.  Its so important to stay organize and plan for doing different activities or therapy needs throughout the week.  IE:

Monday: Go to the store and make 8-12 juice bags (that should last 2-3 days depends upon how much I consume) and update supplements for the week

Tuesday: Make more coffee concentrate (about a gallon...that should last about 2 days) & do laundry

Wednesday: Go to the store and make fresh soup & make more juice bags if needed

Thursday: Make more coffee concentrate & clean up the house a bit(vacuum & mop floors, clean restrooms)

Friday:  Go to the Farmer's Market and make anything missing/low (soup, coffee or bags)

So far, it's only Tuesday morning.  But I'm feeling pretty okay about this plan.  Its easier when someone is there to help you so you just focus on the therapy and resting.  I'm used to having to rely upon myself and that's just what I will do now.  It was a good break and a good start to have Daneille and Jessica all these three months, but I can manage. I will use what we have learned together as a team to help support myself and get through the next 9-15 months.  I can do this.

I would like to find some other Farmer's Markets around.  But so far the one on Friday morning seems to be the best.  I wish that was Monday morning so I could really buy a ton of great stuff and have it all week long...it costs more to have to go to Sprouts every couple of days to buy more produce.  For example, I bought 3 green bell peppers for $1 at the FM in Laguna last Friday.  But this week at Sprouts they are on sale for $3/2...that's a huge savings to buy them from the FM!

This week my goal is to eat well and really do my best to stick with the program, even if it's the bare minimum.  I also have to place an order for more supplements and shampoo...maybe even some more coffee (I buy the large 5 lb bag and have it shipped every month or so).

Next week, my goals are to stick with the therapy but to find a good FM earlier in the week.  That'd be awesome.

Well, tomorrow is the beginning of Month 4.  I pray it goes well and I stick with the therapy without having too much off...I'm hoping to implement more enemas and better eating on the weekends.  I've been giving myself a break on the weekends this month.  It was nice during the weekend, but Mondays were very rough and exhausting.  I will allow myself to eat a little bit off on the weekends, but not too badly.  Maybe have some eggs and veggies for breakfast instead of oatmeal.  Or have a pasta dinner instead of soup.  Heck, I haven't even been eating the soup at dinner.  Once a day feels like more than enough most of the time...and twice feels like punishment.

Anyway, I hope you've all been well.  If you're interested in continuing to read about my journey, I wish you well and I hope it's interesting for you.  Mostly I think it's therapeutic for me but I don't think I would want to keep reading this...must be boring unless you're going through the same things and wondering why on earth your butthole hurts so bad some days.