Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month SEVEN

Month 7: AUGUST 2013

Since April I've not really been able to follow the therapy as I'm supposed to.  Instead, I did the best I could to do the therapy and treatments as best I was able, often times only doing a few coffee enemas a day during the work week and skipping weekends, cutting way back on the supplements and not really doing the juicing or diet.  Yesterday was my first day back and I would say it went well but by the end of the day I was so exhausted I was dropping things (including half the bottle of potassium water on the kitchen floor).  I slept like a baby, dismissed my alarm this morning and just slept in until 7:30 A.M. instead of waking up at 6 or 6:30 A.M.  I really needed it.  In addition to getting back on track, I still have a sinus infection that now includes a cough...so I'm taking antibiotics (not the anti-fungal kind cuz it was too expensive...I've been taking Levoquin for nearly 3 weeks and have another week left, though its not doing anything really), Robitussin cough syrup to stop the coughing when I'm trying to rest, colloidal silver spray, a mountain of supplements for the therapy and CLA (a new addition that is supposed to help build muscle strength and rid the body of excess fat).  I heard about CLA on Dr. Oz a couple of weeks ago.  I know it sounds silly.  Yes, I would like to lose this extra weight.  But, if the cells rid the body of fat, then if the mold is stuck in there with it and my body is hanging onto the mold or whatever, perhaps this CLA will help my body to rid itself of mold along with the excess fat.  That would be rad.

In the meanwhile, I am waiting as patiently as possible for my attorney, Dr. Roberto Bohm, and his staff to gather all the information and reports they need to go to court.  As far as I know, we are only waiting for one last report...this one keeps getting extended, or so I've been told several times, they keep requesting more information.  Once this is all gathered, then I get to meet with Dr. Bohm and get more information about what to expect from this point forward.  As far as I can tell, I think we are supposed to go to court and the judge will determine if the worker's comp insurance company will have to allow me to see a neurologist and ENT/Surgeon to help me to remedy these issues and get better and then back to having a life without these problems.  I really don't know why it has taken so long to get to this point.  Dr. Barri and his staff are really getting tired of taking care of me without progressing towards an end...I completely understand.  While they are offering their assistance and medication on credit, I'm the one who is suffering day in and day out.  I'm really quite tired of doing nothing.  I have done all that I can to get better, make myself more comfortable.  Nothing really works too well.  The Gerson Therapy is good, but I think I need to get that crap out of my system (sinus scrapping to get the cysts out at least) and then the therapy can really help me with the healing.  I'm just barely scraping by many days.  I am not sure if doing the therapy gives me hope and is a psychological improvement at this point or if it has helped me to deal with this as it should...but at least I'm trying to do something to help improve my situation.  Taking strong pain killers and watching tv alone all day long won't help me get better...so even though it costs me a great deal of money and time and energy, the Gerson Therapy is certainly worth it.

Okay, well, I'm done with this update.  I have a family meeting tonight to help with the wedding stuff and I need to work on my therapy, unpacking a few more boxes, packing the luggage for our trip to Las Vegas and get some rest....probably therapy and rest will be all I get done until tonight.  I also need to go make breakfast and I think I want to go back to sleep.  Quite the pickle.

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I'M EXHAUSTED.  Doing this therapy on my own is too much.  No real changes.  Headahces, dizziness and a nice sinus infection.  Awesome.  I'm hoping going out to the desert (nice and dry and crazy hot) will be a nice restful trip...I'm not really doing any therapy while I'm gone.  I will use those 4 days to eat as well as possible, drink some juice without the supplements, and I will take my vitamins and supplements.

I'm tired and I have a zillion things to do.  All I can say, thank goodness I don't have children because I'm sure I'm neglecting my poor doggy since I'm barely able to take care of myself and this household.
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My feet are killing me!!!!
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This is all very hard.  I feel like I barely manage and it helps that I'm doing something and being pro-active about my situation and health.  I really need more help than I am able to manage on my own, but I can't afford it.  Now even my mom doesn't support my choice to do the Gerson Therapy.  I think she would feel differently if she (A) learned more about the therapy and (B) felt how I felt.  This sucks.  I feel like I want to cry.  I know I'm not alone because my fiance supports me.  I don't feel good.
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I haven't been feeling very good and this sinus infection just doesn't want to go away.  I finished up two rounds of antibiotics and it didn't go away.  I had to request an additional refill from my doctor, who is amazing.  But I had to wait days until she was in the office to ask her because her office staff told me I had to go in to see her the following Monday.  So now I am waiting for the delivery of my medication.  Face hurts, got super dizzy and nauseous today.  Of course, the day I have the worst vertigo is the same day I get two people coming to my door (none of which are to install the microwave I'm not supposed to have on my therapy or the medication I'm waiting for).

The wedding planning is crazy out of control.  We are thinking of just eloping.  I know it would make everyone happy for us to have a nice wedding and grand reception, but it's so expensive and getting to be too much.  I think it's time we either elope or go tot he courthouse...is that the same thing?

I'm tired and all I want to do is just go to bed.  Well, technically I really didn't leave bed today.  But I'm going to lay down and try not to think about the wedding plans for a while.
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This just might be the worst day in a really long time.  I guess I should be grateful that it's not extra crappy just because of the therapy or my sinus infection (which recently got so bad while waiting for my medication that I got a really gnarly nose bleed).

My love and I are not getting along well.  It breaks my heart.  I lost nearly a whole night's sleep.  I cried a lot.  We're finally talking but it's really not going that well.
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Going on a boat ride to Catalina for the night and then back...not a good idea.  We got home last night and I'm still rocking.  I didn't do any therapy or treatments.  I thought I would be okay but I really felt pretty crummy.  I think the regular yuckies with motion sickness on top of that is not really a good thing.  I'm not sure I want to do that for a while.  It was nice spending time with Kevin's family, but honestly I think I need more space and a little more personal quiet time.  I don't think those needs will go away as I'm a little claustrophobic and I prefer some quiet/alone time...just part of my personality, I guess.

Well, it was a fun adventure anyway.  I tried something new.  I also jumped into the cold water which was a nice treat after being stuck on the boat for 4 hours to get to Catalina.  I actually wanted to stay a little longer but Christine thinks that staying in more than a few minutes would lower my body temperature too much and I would be shivering for hours after I got out.  She may be right.  LOL  I just was enjoying the nice cool breeze.  Its been humid and hot lately at home.  This part of summer is not my favorite.

This morning I began my therapy and treatments again.  I'm still feeling the rocking from the boat, but I managed to get in an enema, supplements, OJ, oatmeal with peaches and honey and some water.  After all of that I managed to clean the toilet, rest for a moment and take a shower.  Shutting my eyes in the shower was dangerous business, but I managed not to fall over.  Whew!

Today my goals are to stick to my treatments/therapies, pot the new plants on the patio, clean my room, finish the laundry I started before we went to Catalina, cook the salmon before it goes bad.  Oh yeah, we really need to wash the car.  While we were gone a bunch of birds pooped on my car...the other cars in the entire parking lot looked clean, so clean...but now my clean car is covered in bird poop.  I wonder how a bird or pack of birds select a spot to go on.  LOL  So crazy.
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Healing, a New and Personal Adventure: Month SIX

Month Six: July 2013

I can't believe it's already been 6 months of this therapy.  I'm having a hard time.  The outside forces which I cannot control are weighing heavily upon me and my ability to recover and focus on the therapy to help me with my recovery.  Dang.  I'm disappointed but I haven't given up yet.

For now, I'm trying some premade juiced from Naked that I found at Costco...the green one and the orange one along with presqueezed OJ in the morning.  I'm still doing the coffee enemas, about 3 per day seem to really work for me (skipping the weekends which don't really work well for me at all).

I've regained a bunch of my weight, mostly because I haven't been very diligent about sticking with the diet plan.  Heck, I haven't even stuck to the way less strict PCOS diet plan of low carbs and limited sugar.  I've been going all out...slurpees galore, chips, chocolate, processed foods, pizzas and pastas.  So over processed and so high in simple sugars and carbs.  Not good.  I guess the only upsides are that I've been enjoying my food and it hasn't increased the intensity or frequency of my headaches.

Starting today, Kevin and I are getting things back in order...we are trying to make better choices for food, stop wasting money (if we don't have the cash, no charging unless it's an emergency) and we're going to be working out more.  So, I signed up for my free 3-day trial at 24 Hr Fitness.  I did make turkey bacon, scrambled eggs and biscuits for breakfast but I did cut out 2/3rds of the egg yolks and it was turkey bacon.  I've also been good and had my OJ and 3 glasses of juice already for the day.  I think I'm behind schedule on that but I'm trying to keep up, I promise.  I've also had some dehydrated cinnamon apple rings and honey/vanilla greek yogurt with banana slices in it.  I'm really hungry right now and I'm just not sure what I want to eat, but I will go out and have a look in a minute or two...maybe I'll make a BLT on rye bread.  That should help me get my head and stomach back in order.  I also am making some beans, so Kevin and I will have something yummy to eat tonight that is high in protein and tastes good (and it's hella cheap!) after our workout tonight.

I  hope that I have enough energy to make a decent sandwich and clean up afterwards...well, I'm off to work on that.  I'm near death (not really, but so hungry at this point).
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The gym never happened.  We went on one nice walk on the trail near the apartment, which was really nice and we went about a mile and a half, but didn't go again.  I haven't felt very good and finally my cycle began.  It was particularly challenging this month and I was a little concerned that maybe it wouldn't come this month.  It did and it hates me...as much as I hate it.  Yesterday my headaches were so bad that I ended up taking 10-12 Excedrin and it never actually worked.  I don't know why it didn't work and why my head kept hurting.  It was annoying but I managed through it.  Fortunately, I had a good calm day yesterday without anything I had to do or any place I had to be.

I'm really so tired of all of this already.  I don't even know what to expect and I'm wanting to make plans and then feel like a big failure when I can't do the simplest things, like dress shopping.  I mean, really.  Who can't go dress shopping without having to cancel after 45 minutes and come home early.  What a bust.
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Mid month proves more of the same.  I'm hoping to see Samantha regarding this current sinus infection this coming Wednesday afternoon.  I've been wondering...is this the 4th serious infection in the last few months?  or is this the same one that just isn't going away?  Normally you should feel well before you finish the antibiotics.  I haven't at all...in fact, I often am worried that I need more antibiotics at the end of the round but don't always have the warewithall to deal with the Dr's office manager.  Something to think about.

In the meanwhile, I'm determined to try and have a life as best I can without this whole illness (whatever it all is called) becoming my whole entire life.  I'm trying to focus on having a life...relationships with family, friends, Kevin, God and trying to figure out what my new purpose is.

Most of the time, to be honest, I really just try to get by.  But on those few moments that are good (and there are more of these moments than there used to be and I"m so grateful for), I really want to do more than survive.  I want to enjoy, be productive, feel normal.

Kevin is seriously considering going to school.  Talking with him about the various options and choices has made me really miss school even more than before.  I'm so close to getting my degree.  But thinking back not too far, it just takes one sinus infection, one migraine, one bout of stress causing days of headaches that would easily cause failure...which would do the exact opposite of what my goals of returning to school would be.

Dang.

For now, I am focusing on moving in with Kevin and getting married.  I want to be prepared for the wedding and to be a good wife.  Kevin seems okay with it, but it bothers me and makes me kind of sad to think that I can only be as good of a wife as I can be, not as good as I want to be.  I don't know if/when I will be returning to work.  I feel like if I did, then it would take some of the pressure off of Kevin and he might be more courageous to find a position that he would enjoy going to.  Maybe he would have the confidence to stand up for himself and find a path in which he could be appreciated and use his skills and interests.  All I can do is my best.  Maybe I would feel better if I didn't have my "former self" to compare.

I need to go get some food prepared for the day and organize my supplements for the week.
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Okay, so I went to see Samantha yesterday.  It was pretty good.  We discussed that I'm unsure if the sinus infection keeps coming back or that it really never got better and that's why it's been extra nasty and frequent lately.  We came to the conclusion to try a new antibiotic that is for fungal infections since I was exposed to mold in the air.  Sounds great!  I'm excited to have a new thing to try and she's hoping it may take 2 or 3 rounds of this 20-day prescription, but that will get me through until I can get the surgery and move on.  Problem found when trying to fill the prescription, it's over $500 per 20-day round!  Holy crap!!!!  And that was at Costco.  I'm waiting to hear back from her to see if their pharmacy can mail it to me or maybe there is another prescription I can try.  I simply cannot come up with that kind of money.  That's crazy.
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I AM SO TIRED.  The sinus pain (face and headaches, etc) isn't too bad, it's tolerable...kind of like a low, constant pain that wears you out.  Samantha is not in the office until tomorrow and her last day was when I met with her last week...so, now I'm at nearly 3 weeks of trying to get some medication to deal with this.  My sinuses have started to bleed and become more irritated.  I'm really praying that I make it until I can get the antibiotics that I need...I just don't want to go to the ER again.

Otherwise, I'm trying to focus on other things.  More productive things.  This week I have found my wedding dress, veil, some reception decorations and scheduled the pre-marital counseling interview at church.  I also have been preparing to take the CLEP exams for both Sociology and English Comp.  Honestly, I bought the study guides and downloaded them...but I really haven't been able to focus enough to study them yet.  I've also been working on the upcoming move.  Got the lease signed, signed up for electricity and took care the auto & renter's insurance.  I also booked and paid for the movers.  I still need to sign up for gas & cable/internet and then take the paperwork and money orders to the office for the security deposit and first month's rent.

I've been trying to be productive while also resting.  A lot of the wedding stuff is online and just browsing and gathering ideas so that hasn't been too much in the way of energy usage (although going to LA to shop was very draining).  This next week I won't be able to rest much since we have a 2 1/2 hour interview at church, then moving, then doing Class 101 at church for 4 1/2 hours...I have a feeling my tailbone is going to hurt far more than it already does.  I wonder if I could sit on two foam cushions at a time.  HMMMM....
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Yup, sinus infection.  I am hoping the antibiotics get here soon.  The pinch in my throat has turned into all night coughing and I am a bit concerned that the pressure in my ears will soon turn into a painful experience.  It's gonna happen, just gotta pray it happens soon.

My backside is having a very hard time.  I have had 4-5 weird sores that are under the skin in the crack area, now it seems a rash has formed....not just it itches at night before I fall asleep, but like a crazy, I just can't stop scratching it all back there, full blown rash.  Dang it.  I really don't know.  I think I will try some hydrogen peroxide and see if that helps at all...if not, I will also try some neosporin to hopefully at least help it from spreading and maybe clear up whatever is causing the rash.  Nasty and uncomfortable.

That's it for now.  I really haven't been doing anything but surviving. I know I need to pack, but I really haven't begun.  I'm just tired and need my rest right now.
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