MONTH THREE: April 2013
It's so tough to stick with it. Then, I feel like crap and remember that I'm not well. I am much better about taking all of my supplements, but I am only getting in 1 big soup at lunch, oatmeal for breakfast and rarely any salad...and then usually chicken or fish with rice or quinoa (or something similar) for dinner. I am completing the enemas but have increased the coffee to 5-6 per day and quit the castor oil treatments...those are just too much to handle right now. I go to the restroom ever couple of hours anyway, so not much is sitting in there waiting to be cleaned out.
I'm moving in about 10 days and I'm stressed out a bit. Doing my best to pack, donate and discard accordingly. Time is just sneaking up on me so fast though.
I am hoping that after the move I am able to ween myself off of the caretaker because I really cannot afford her. It's just getting to be too much and it's stressing me out to have a balance on my credit card again. Seems no matter what I do that just keeps sneaking back in. The food costs are the highest of all my bills, but if I can shave off the $800+ per month for the help, then I can feel better about living beyond my means and get back on track. Also, it would be nice to take care of myself more. This could potentially go horribly wrong and I may have to rehire someone to come help me out, but it's worth a shot.
I'll keep you posted.
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Today, April 10, 2013, I am now down to 246.5 pounds and I am quite sure I am a tad bloated because my cycle is about to begin (bloating, acne, irritability, etc). I'm so stoked! I'm doing my best to make wise choices about the food, take all of the supplements, get plenty of rest and not stress out too much.
I have had issues with not sleeping enough at night lately, but I mostly can rest all day, so I find that it's okay in general. After the move it will be better as I won't have any travel time to consider between Kevin's house and Mom's apartment. I guess it's like sharing a bedroom with Kevin and doing the treatment at Mom's. It's weird, but I think totally manageable. It shouldn't be too long until I am back to 8 hours a night of sleep regularly and shouldn't have to stay home 1-2 nights a week to play catch up.
As far as the food. Well, lately I haven't done too great with the consumption part. I find that I am away from home and am occasionally giving in to my old urges of eating fast food, especially for breakfast when I am away (or traveling home). Ham & cheese croissants are the worst as they are so yummy and warm and right at the train station....dang it! I've also had 2 biscuit sandwiches and 1 egg mcmuffin sandwich in the past couple of weeks. I really am not sick of the oatmeal and fruit with honey (and I even cheat a bit by adding a few raw sunflower seeds on top). I'm just out and about and find I'm hungry and want some junk. I could avoid it more if I took snacks and wasn't out and about so much, I suppose.
The stress part...well, that's been pretty gnarly. I'm trying not to stress out but I can't hide from myself or the external stress these days. This too shall pass and I know everything will calm back down, but I seem to have a very serious and real physical reaction to the external stress lately (internal is doing okay for the most part). I got the worst cold sore of my life (I get them from stress...same spot every time, but this was huge, painful and just ugly). I'm doing my best to stay calm, think rationally and pray a lot. Having a good relationship with the Lord really helps me to remain calm and keep the important things in perspective...I can always lean on Him and trust that He will always take care of me. I wish those around me would remind themselves of this so they could deal with their own stress instead of dumping it on me...but I am never given more than I can handle and none of this has killed me yet, so I guess it's okay.
It occurred to me recently that I said I would include my daily schedule and then never did. Here's the schedule I try to stick with:
| 7:00 AM |
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| 7:05 AM | 1) Snack on fruit | |
| 2) M/W/F-On Castor Oil days: drink 2T castor oil & drink 3/4c coffee w/ 1t sugar | ||
| 7:15 AM | Coffee enema | |
| 8:15 AM | 1) Eat breakfast, drink OJ (8-12oz); add 4-Lugol's drops & 2tsp-potassium | |
| 2) 2-Acidol/Digestol caps; 1-50mg Niacin; 3-Liver caps; 3-Pancreatin tabs (MORN) | ||
| 3) 600mg-CoQ10 <--Split throughout day | ||
| 9:15 AM | Green juice (12oz); add 2tsp-potassium | |
| 10:15 AM | Carrot/Apple juice (8oz); add 2tsp-potassium, 1-50mg Niacin & 3 liver tablets (BLUE AM) | |
| 10:30 AM |
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| 2) Coffee(T/Th/Sa/Su) or Castor Oil enema (M/W/F) | ||
| 11:00 AM | 1) Carrot juice (8oz) | |
| 2) B12 (T/Th/Sa) | ||
| 3) Snack on fruit | ||
| 12:00 PM | Green juice (12-16oz); add 2tsp-potassium | |
| 1:00 PM | Eat lunch: | |
| 1) Carrot/Apple juice (8oz); add 4- Lugol's drops & 2tsp-potassium | ||
| 2) 2-Acidol/Digestol caps; 1-50mg Niacin; 3-Liver caps; 3-Pancreatin tabs; 1-Flaxseed (NOON) | ||
| 2:00 PM | Green juice (12-16oz): add 2tsp-potassium | |
| 3:00 PM | 1) Fruit snack w/ 1-50mg Niacin & 3 liver tablets (BLUE PM) | |
| 2) Coffee enema | ||
| 3:45 PM | 1) Green juice (12-16oz); add 2tsp-potassium | |
| 5:00 PM | 1) Carrot/Apple juice (8oz); add 2tsp-potassium, take 1-50mg Niacin, 3-Pancreatin tabs & 1-Flaxseed (EVE) | |
| 2) Make coffe concentrate for next day, let cool | ||
| 6:00 PM | 1) Green juice (12-16oz); add 2tsp-potassium | |
| 3) Coffee enema | ||
| 7:00 PM | Eat dinner: | |
| 1) Carrot juice (8oz); add 2tsp-potassium | ||
| 2) 2-Acidol/Digestol caps; 1-50mg Niacin; 3-Liver caps; 3-Pancreatin tabs (BED) | ||
| 3) Fruit snack plate |
Well, it's not pretty but I have it neatly typed up in a spreadsheet and so it's easy to adjust, format and reprint.
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I've been so over whelmed. I really wasn't sure what to expect but I didn't think it would feel this bad. Adding the stress of the move to this whole therapy and living life is almost more than I can handle. I've been battling off major anxiety attacks and horrible thoughts (like the jerk at the Costco gas line that took FOR-EVER to get in his car and leave when he was done pumping...I kind of wanted to ram his car out of the way so I could move up and pump my gas and go home). BTW, I didn't. But it's been a great deal of stress trying to deal with everything and it's all been way too much. I suspect by this weekend all will be back to right in the world. Oh, doesn't help much that I'm PMSing like crazy and eating everything in site. I haven't really gained anything but my head hurts and I did have some bad swelling this morning.
Note to self (and others): While doing therapy, don't take on major tasks. If it's unavoidable, try to get as much support as possible and really only do the essentials...we have movers, so that's one less thing I have to worry about.
We move the day after tomorrow...which basically means I need to have everything done and ready to move tomorrow night before I go to bed. Also, tomorrow is my 33rd birthday. I'm really feeling underwhelmed by the fact that it's my birthday and I think it's because there's just so much stress and drama surrounding everything else that I really can't enjoy it too much. I'm even finding it to be somewhat stressful planning the bbq lunch for Sunday. Well, even if it's only Kevin's and my family that make it, that will be nice to see everyone....I should try to let that go a bit and really focus on the essential stuff right now (packing and resting).
I hate to sound like a big downer. I wonder if this is another one of those depressed moments I read about in the book...like a flareup kind of thing. I don't know. I also haven't been eating well. My dad is greatly concerned about the number of enemas I do daily and thinks if may later hinder my ability to use the restroom without an enema...which I do on my own all the time anyway. I wish my family was way moer supportive...or at least left me alone a little bit more. The most supportive person around, other than my most amazing boyfriend, if Jessica (and I pay her to come help me). She helps me cook and clean and make juices. She talked with me and listens to me about whatever I want to talk about. I never feel more stressed when she's around. I guess I'm kind of worried too because after the move she can only come to help me 3 days a week and I'm worried that I'm not really ready to wein myself from her help and take more control over my treatment.
Sometimes a shit storm happens and you just gotta deal. I guess I'm mostly worries about watching the storm come my way...there's not much I can do, so I suppose I should try to relax and eat this danged elephant one bite at a time.
If any of you are doing this therapy, I really hope you're having a much better week than me. I feel like an awful crabby pants and I mostly just want to be left alone. Kevin can come over, but otherwise I want to hole up someplace quiet and not bothered by anyone or their problems for a huge chunk of hours...maybe even a day or two. But, this is life and that can't happen...so maybe I should give in and just take some pain pills. It will help me relax and it will be nice to have a break from this gnarly headache.
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Not much to update. Mostly its the same. I did have some issues with my feet again, but it was the backs of my heels. Also, the headaches are back and I'm less than happy. I no longer have my caretaker to help me, but I will try to do my best on my own. It's almost May, so that means I have completed most of 3 months already.
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This has been kind of a tough month. Between therapy, moving, being mostly unsettled all month long and then losing the help of my caregiver I'm surprised I managed as well as I did. I didn't really lose any weight and the swelling comes and goes, but overall I feel okay. I still get headaches regularly but the migraines are much less frequent.
Being the first week really on my own, I feel much better than I thought I would. I am managing to do most of the therapy most of the time. I can only do my best. Its so important to stay organize and plan for doing different activities or therapy needs throughout the week. IE:
Monday: Go to the store and make 8-12 juice bags (that should last 2-3 days depends upon how much I consume) and update supplements for the week
Tuesday: Make more coffee concentrate (about a gallon...that should last about 2 days) & do laundry
Wednesday: Go to the store and make fresh soup & make more juice bags if needed
Thursday: Make more coffee concentrate & clean up the house a bit(vacuum & mop floors, clean restrooms)
Friday: Go to the Farmer's Market and make anything missing/low (soup, coffee or bags)
So far, it's only Tuesday morning. But I'm feeling pretty okay about this plan. Its easier when someone is there to help you so you just focus on the therapy and resting. I'm used to having to rely upon myself and that's just what I will do now. It was a good break and a good start to have Daneille and Jessica all these three months, but I can manage. I will use what we have learned together as a team to help support myself and get through the next 9-15 months. I can do this.
I would like to find some other Farmer's Markets around. But so far the one on Friday morning seems to be the best. I wish that was Monday morning so I could really buy a ton of great stuff and have it all week long...it costs more to have to go to Sprouts every couple of days to buy more produce. For example, I bought 3 green bell peppers for $1 at the FM in Laguna last Friday. But this week at Sprouts they are on sale for $3/2...that's a huge savings to buy them from the FM!
This week my goal is to eat well and really do my best to stick with the program, even if it's the bare minimum. I also have to place an order for more supplements and shampoo...maybe even some more coffee (I buy the large 5 lb bag and have it shipped every month or so).
Next week, my goals are to stick with the therapy but to find a good FM earlier in the week. That'd be awesome.
Well, tomorrow is the beginning of Month 4. I pray it goes well and I stick with the therapy without having too much off...I'm hoping to implement more enemas and better eating on the weekends. I've been giving myself a break on the weekends this month. It was nice during the weekend, but Mondays were very rough and exhausting. I will allow myself to eat a little bit off on the weekends, but not too badly. Maybe have some eggs and veggies for breakfast instead of oatmeal. Or have a pasta dinner instead of soup. Heck, I haven't even been eating the soup at dinner. Once a day feels like more than enough most of the time...and twice feels like punishment.
Anyway, I hope you've all been well. If you're interested in continuing to read about my journey, I wish you well and I hope it's interesting for you. Mostly I think it's therapeutic for me but I don't think I would want to keep reading this...must be boring unless you're going through the same things and wondering why on earth your butthole hurts so bad some days.
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