Month Six: July 2013
I can't believe it's already been 6 months of this therapy. I'm having a hard time. The outside forces which I cannot control are weighing heavily upon me and my ability to recover and focus on the therapy to help me with my recovery. Dang. I'm disappointed but I haven't given up yet.
For now, I'm trying some premade juiced from Naked that I found at Costco...the green one and the orange one along with presqueezed OJ in the morning. I'm still doing the coffee enemas, about 3 per day seem to really work for me (skipping the weekends which don't really work well for me at all).
I've regained a bunch of my weight, mostly because I haven't been very diligent about sticking with the diet plan. Heck, I haven't even stuck to the way less strict PCOS diet plan of low carbs and limited sugar. I've been going all out...slurpees galore, chips, chocolate, processed foods, pizzas and pastas. So over processed and so high in simple sugars and carbs. Not good. I guess the only upsides are that I've been enjoying my food and it hasn't increased the intensity or frequency of my headaches.
Starting today, Kevin and I are getting things back in order...we are trying to make better choices for food, stop wasting money (if we don't have the cash, no charging unless it's an emergency) and we're going to be working out more. So, I signed up for my free 3-day trial at 24 Hr Fitness. I did make turkey bacon, scrambled eggs and biscuits for breakfast but I did cut out 2/3rds of the egg yolks and it was turkey bacon. I've also been good and had my OJ and 3 glasses of juice already for the day. I think I'm behind schedule on that but I'm trying to keep up, I promise. I've also had some dehydrated cinnamon apple rings and honey/vanilla greek yogurt with banana slices in it. I'm really hungry right now and I'm just not sure what I want to eat, but I will go out and have a look in a minute or two...maybe I'll make a BLT on rye bread. That should help me get my head and stomach back in order. I also am making some beans, so Kevin and I will have something yummy to eat tonight that is high in protein and tastes good (and it's hella cheap!) after our workout tonight.
I hope that I have enough energy to make a decent sandwich and clean up afterwards...well, I'm off to work on that. I'm near death (not really, but so hungry at this point).
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The gym never happened. We went on one nice walk on the trail near the apartment, which was really nice and we went about a mile and a half, but didn't go again. I haven't felt very good and finally my cycle began. It was particularly challenging this month and I was a little concerned that maybe it wouldn't come this month. It did and it hates me...as much as I hate it. Yesterday my headaches were so bad that I ended up taking 10-12 Excedrin and it never actually worked. I don't know why it didn't work and why my head kept hurting. It was annoying but I managed through it. Fortunately, I had a good calm day yesterday without anything I had to do or any place I had to be.
I'm really so tired of all of this already. I don't even know what to expect and I'm wanting to make plans and then feel like a big failure when I can't do the simplest things, like dress shopping. I mean, really. Who can't go dress shopping without having to cancel after 45 minutes and come home early. What a bust.
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Mid month proves more of the same. I'm hoping to see Samantha regarding this current sinus infection this coming Wednesday afternoon. I've been wondering...is this the 4th serious infection in the last few months? or is this the same one that just isn't going away? Normally you should feel well before you finish the antibiotics. I haven't at all...in fact, I often am worried that I need more antibiotics at the end of the round but don't always have the warewithall to deal with the Dr's office manager. Something to think about.
In the meanwhile, I'm determined to try and have a life as best I can without this whole illness (whatever it all is called) becoming my whole entire life. I'm trying to focus on having a life...relationships with family, friends, Kevin, God and trying to figure out what my new purpose is.
Most of the time, to be honest, I really just try to get by. But on those few moments that are good (and there are more of these moments than there used to be and I"m so grateful for), I really want to do more than survive. I want to enjoy, be productive, feel normal.
Kevin is seriously considering going to school. Talking with him about the various options and choices has made me really miss school even more than before. I'm so close to getting my degree. But thinking back not too far, it just takes one sinus infection, one migraine, one bout of stress causing days of headaches that would easily cause failure...which would do the exact opposite of what my goals of returning to school would be.
Dang.
For now, I am focusing on moving in with Kevin and getting married. I want to be prepared for the wedding and to be a good wife. Kevin seems okay with it, but it bothers me and makes me kind of sad to think that I can only be as good of a wife as I can be, not as good as I want to be. I don't know if/when I will be returning to work. I feel like if I did, then it would take some of the pressure off of Kevin and he might be more courageous to find a position that he would enjoy going to. Maybe he would have the confidence to stand up for himself and find a path in which he could be appreciated and use his skills and interests. All I can do is my best. Maybe I would feel better if I didn't have my "former self" to compare.
I need to go get some food prepared for the day and organize my supplements for the week.
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Okay, so I went to see Samantha yesterday. It was pretty good. We discussed that I'm unsure if the sinus infection keeps coming back or that it really never got better and that's why it's been extra nasty and frequent lately. We came to the conclusion to try a new antibiotic that is for fungal infections since I was exposed to mold in the air. Sounds great! I'm excited to have a new thing to try and she's hoping it may take 2 or 3 rounds of this 20-day prescription, but that will get me through until I can get the surgery and move on. Problem found when trying to fill the prescription, it's over $500 per 20-day round! Holy crap!!!! And that was at Costco. I'm waiting to hear back from her to see if their pharmacy can mail it to me or maybe there is another prescription I can try. I simply cannot come up with that kind of money. That's crazy.
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I AM SO TIRED. The sinus pain (face and headaches, etc) isn't too bad, it's tolerable...kind of like a low, constant pain that wears you out. Samantha is not in the office until tomorrow and her last day was when I met with her last week...so, now I'm at nearly 3 weeks of trying to get some medication to deal with this. My sinuses have started to bleed and become more irritated. I'm really praying that I make it until I can get the antibiotics that I need...I just don't want to go to the ER again.
Otherwise, I'm trying to focus on other things. More productive things. This week I have found my wedding dress, veil, some reception decorations and scheduled the pre-marital counseling interview at church. I also have been preparing to take the CLEP exams for both Sociology and English Comp. Honestly, I bought the study guides and downloaded them...but I really haven't been able to focus enough to study them yet. I've also been working on the upcoming move. Got the lease signed, signed up for electricity and took care the auto & renter's insurance. I also booked and paid for the movers. I still need to sign up for gas & cable/internet and then take the paperwork and money orders to the office for the security deposit and first month's rent.
I've been trying to be productive while also resting. A lot of the wedding stuff is online and just browsing and gathering ideas so that hasn't been too much in the way of energy usage (although going to LA to shop was very draining). This next week I won't be able to rest much since we have a 2 1/2 hour interview at church, then moving, then doing Class 101 at church for 4 1/2 hours...I have a feeling my tailbone is going to hurt far more than it already does. I wonder if I could sit on two foam cushions at a time. HMMMM....
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Yup, sinus infection. I am hoping the antibiotics get here soon. The pinch in my throat has turned into all night coughing and I am a bit concerned that the pressure in my ears will soon turn into a painful experience. It's gonna happen, just gotta pray it happens soon.
My backside is having a very hard time. I have had 4-5 weird sores that are under the skin in the crack area, now it seems a rash has formed....not just it itches at night before I fall asleep, but like a crazy, I just can't stop scratching it all back there, full blown rash. Dang it. I really don't know. I think I will try some hydrogen peroxide and see if that helps at all...if not, I will also try some neosporin to hopefully at least help it from spreading and maybe clear up whatever is causing the rash. Nasty and uncomfortable.
That's it for now. I really haven't been doing anything but surviving. I know I need to pack, but I really haven't begun. I'm just tired and need my rest right now.
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